Prompt: Write an essay explaining how a historical event has impacted you.
I chose to write my essay on the Stonewall riots. I wrote my introduction and thesis and turned that in to my professor and she said that my thesis wasn't what she was looking for. She said to include how this movement more specifically relates to me and make sure the thesis more specifically addresses the prompt. I don't really know where to go from here, could someone help me come up with a better thesis? Or give examples on what my professor wants?
Following Senator McCarthy's emphasis on anti-communism homosexuals were considered by the United States Government as un-American, subversive and a security risk. The government used every resource to find, arrest, and publicly humiliate every man and woman that was even suspected of being gay. Police would perform routine raids to remove gays from parks, bars, and beaches. The Stonewall Inn was a gay bar that stood out from all the rest. Even with no running water, overrun toilets and watered down drinks many consider The Stonewall Inn as the start of the Gay Rights Movement. Because of this outrageous oppression of the gay society, rioters valiantly emerged from the Stonewall Inn fighting for their rights and became activists that continue to fight and protect the rights I enjoy today.
I chose to write my essay on the Stonewall riots. I wrote my introduction and thesis and turned that in to my professor and she said that my thesis wasn't what she was looking for. She said to include how this movement more specifically relates to me and make sure the thesis more specifically addresses the prompt. I don't really know where to go from here, could someone help me come up with a better thesis? Or give examples on what my professor wants?
Following Senator McCarthy's emphasis on anti-communism homosexuals were considered by the United States Government as un-American, subversive and a security risk. The government used every resource to find, arrest, and publicly humiliate every man and woman that was even suspected of being gay. Police would perform routine raids to remove gays from parks, bars, and beaches. The Stonewall Inn was a gay bar that stood out from all the rest. Even with no running water, overrun toilets and watered down drinks many consider The Stonewall Inn as the start of the Gay Rights Movement. Because of this outrageous oppression of the gay society, rioters valiantly emerged from the Stonewall Inn fighting for their rights and became activists that continue to fight and protect the rights I enjoy today.