This is my main essay for Common Application. Please make some comments! Thanks!
I was born with incurable contradictions---a fanatical addiction to dancing and asthma.
I loved everything about art---painting, dancing, declaiming short poems, etc. till the doctor discovered the exacerbation of my asthma and then reprimanded me to give up those "illusive meaningless hobbies" and leave time for recovery. Thank God, my parents agreed for me retain one of them, and I, listening to my soul, chose dancing.
Since then I cherished dancing as if it were my life. I joined the dance team of Nanjing's kindergartenorganization as the youngest member and performed everywhere in my city. Those indelible memories still run in my mind: coaches were strict and we would stay forever in the same unendurable posture. Yet with our legs crossed sitting on the ground, we laughed while munching on eggs for dinner. Those years were tough but fulfilled.
However, my asthma recurred. Being forced to spend a year in hospital, I could not go to kindergarten as other kids, let alone dancing on the stage. After a year, I finally returned, and became the older sister of the team. I led the youngers and choreographed a Japanese dance with the coaches' help for the local art center's annual performance. The dance won praises and a picture of us was even published on the local newspaper.
Life seemed happy then. Entering elementary school, I attended the audition of Little Red Flower, a dancing studio which was well-known through the country and was successfully admitted. Unexpectedly, asthma problems came again to forbid me to dance.
My art career had ended in a tragedy. I thought of the sweat I sprinkled in the dancing halls; the reflection of my body in the mirror moving carefully but passionately. I never complained a word for training too much and was able to conquer movements of high levels of difficulty. But now it seemed just a disease could defeat my big dream.
I couldn't let it be. If I can't dance physically, I can dance in other ways. While I was exploring a new beginning, I was chosen to be the Vice Class President and began to run numerous shows for the school. I became the director, the host, the playwright, and the actress, except the dancer. But I began choreographing dances for my own class. When creating movements in front of the mirror, even if I couldn't truly dance, I felt my long suppressed passion of dancing finally sparkled. I suddenly felt the real me deep inside and realized then I had to do something to strive back the real me---the "me" who can dance.
Determined, I made efforts to do medical aerobic treatment to improve my health. I began to jog, but suffocated when I ran over only 150 meters and then I would hesitate to continue. But when I recalled the initial voice in my heart, I would gain the strength from somewhere and take a deep breath, plunge into running again.
Finally, in Senior 1, when I can finish a full 800-meter run and when all the training successfully built a healthy me and asthma has not recurred for years, I won the leading dancer's role of the Chinese ancient play Farewell My Concubine. I learnt to dance with two swords for the first time. However, since it was the first time for me to return to the stage after years, I did not perform as well as I personally expected.
Thus, I took another try in the Foreign Language Festival soon after. As the leading dancer in The Phantom of the Opera, I practiced everyday after school for hours and digested as many movements as I could. The audience stood up roaring, the Best Dancer award was presented to me the principal; I have finally bounced back living as the real me.
Now, I dance at dance studio Season Five to acquire more skills. Just this summer, I successfully led a dancing show in HSYLC (Harvard College AUSCR Summit for Young Leaders in China), and won the "Most Talented" title. These are only the beginning. Many dances await me. Many new challenges await me. But now, I am leading a new life, fearlessly.
"reprimanded me to give up those "illusive meaningless hobbies" ": I don't know if reprimand is the right word in the context.
"let alone dancingdance on the stage"
"I led the youngersyounger children/youngsters and choreographed "
It's a great concept, and the reader can really feel your passion:)
Let's switch these:
I was born with incurable contradictions---asthma and a fanatical addiction to dancing.
painting, dancing, declaiming short poems, etc. till the doctor discovered the exacerbation of my asthma and then reprimanded me to give up those "illusive meaningless hobbies" and leave time for recovery--- This is hard to make sense of. How can an asthma diagnosis contraindicate painting and writing poems?
This essay has a great theme, but I wish you would spend a little more time at the end to tell about it. What is the moral of the story?
:-)
