a strict Asian household: How has your family history influence who you are?

-------------I am looking for someone to assist in editing my first draft, Thank you --------------My mother was born under a tree in the southern province of Korea and grew up in a strict Asian household. My grandmother was sold at the age of twelve for a horse in Hiroshima, Japan; she also survived the atomic bomb, which took her home away from her in 1965. It took my aunt fifteen years to get through personal problems and dreaded relationships to realize that she wanted to become a nurse and help others; she graduated summa cum laude at the University of Texas at San Antonio with a degree in nursing. The women in my family have endured physical, mental and emotional trauma that I cannot fathom, but each day their struggles for survival remind me of the woman I can be. I grew up being the light from their darkness, the flower that survived the winter; I was cherished for my innocence. My mother, grandmother and aunt have always taken the time to enrich me with their pasts to ensure that I too, would become a strong woman. My independence as a woman was framed from their mistakes and miseries. I have been taught how to stand firmly for what I believe in, that knowledge is the one thing no one can take away from you, and that sometimes it takes a little time to realize what one's life's calling is. These women have instilled their strengths, resilience towards failure, and persistence to achieve and overcome any obstacle that may come into my life.

You are just listing stuff right now-colleges do not like to see that. All these should be put into its own body paragraph. Also, you need to talk about yourself more. When colleges gives out prompts, they just want to find out what kind of person you are. Talk about yourself, don't list too much about your family because otherwise it will be your family they are reading about. So given that case, talk more about how you are independent and how they have shaped you today.

Mr. Kwong,

Thank you for your critique, I will take your words into consideration and fix up my essay. Thank you very much for your time!

This is beautifully written! You must be so inspired by them...

each day their struggles for survival remind me of the woman I can be. --- right here is the spot where you should do a paragraph break. Start paragraph 2 with this:

I grew up being the light from their darkness, the flower that survived the...

...their strengths, resilience in the face of failure, and persistence to...

:-)

Don't mean to be blunt but maybe you could extend that essay a little? Delve deeper on your examples, analyze them, just stating them would not be as effective.