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Personal struggle with epilepsy - Feedback


Mackenziee 1 / 1  
Oct 11, 2010   #1
The prompt is
There may be personal information that you want to be considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.

I am writing about when I became epileptic. I am struggling to find ideas on how to continue the paper. I am not the best writer and could really use some tips!

Waking up not knowing where you are; everything moving in slow motion asking yourself, "What is going on"? So many unfamiliar faces telling you to calm down, all while you are strapped down to the ground unable to move your arms, legs, even lift your head. You see your family with tears rolling down their cheeks and hear panic in their voice, not knowing why. You feel yourself be lifted, and then start rolling out of the house into your street. You can see all the neighbors out and the bright flashing lights of the ambulance that you are entering. That is an unpleasant, frightening, life changing memory that still and always will linger in my mind. It all happened on an ordinary Saturday morning, nobody knowing what was to come. My dad had made me and my sister an egg omelet just like many Saturdays before; cleaning my plate was the last thing I remember. The next thing I know I am being loaded up into the ambulance and rushed down the streets of my neighborhood to the Cypress Medical Center. . I was frightened, completely clueless to my surroundings but knew something was terribly wrong. When we arrived to the Emergency Room I got an IV and had several tests done on me. It was then I learned I had had a seizure. I listened to the doctor as he explained what a seizure was and how it affected my body. Both my family and I were completely shocked for we do not know anybody who had seizures. Questions flooded out of my mouth, and tears streamed down my eyes. In my head I was screaming at myself to not let this happen to me. I had always been the healthy child in the family and now I was the sick one.The doctor in the hospital recommended me to a neurologist to further study what had happened to me. After a few visits my doctor finally classified me as a generalized epileptic. My stomach dropped as I realized things were never going to be the same. As weeks went on I had two more seizures. Nobody could predict when a seizure would trigger and how long they would go on. It was the most frightening month of my life knowing I could drop down, unknowingly at any time and place. I had to follow rules after rules until they got everything under control. I could not drive, be by myself at any time, or do strenuous activities. I felt like I was under house arrest for months. When they finally found me a medicine I was beyond relieved. It gave me hope that I could be normal again; able to have my freedom to do as a please. I now take four pills twice a day, a lot for being a seventeen year old girl. However, I am more than willing if it keeps me from having seizures. I could not be more thankful for those eight pills a day.

Editor1010 9 / 33  
Oct 12, 2010   #2
Its really good so far with some errors. But the main part of this quesiton is " that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment."

You have to write about how your epilepsy has shaped you. Perhaps caused you to strive to do better or maybe becaues of it you did bad in school for a while. Let them know !
OP Mackenziee 1 / 1  
Oct 13, 2010   #3
Thank you so much! I appreciate the advice!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Oct 14, 2010   #4
My dad had made me and my sister egg omelets, just like many Saturdays before; cleaning my plate was the last thing I remember.

However, I am more than willing if it keeps me from having seizures. I could not be more thankful for those eight pills a day.--- Ha ha, I like this sentence, and you have a great way of writing. This essay has real value, because it gives us insight into what it is like to learn that you have epilepsy. You enriched my understanding!

I think you should divide this into 3 paragraphs, and end the first and last paragraph with sentences about the "moral of the story," the underlying principle or truth that can be learned from this experience. This is especially important if you can make a connection between the essay's subject and your chosen professional field.


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