I really had a tough time working on this common application essay. Here's the prompt i chose:
Describe a problem you've solved or a problem you'd like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma-anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale.
(650 words limits) i have 645 words right now, please take a look at it, any feedbacks is appreciated!!
Opened senses for diversity
Two a.m., my room is dark, everybody is sleeping. I sit in my bean bag chair, waiting for my mind reset. I open my laptop and start thinking about my future.
Now, I'm approaching the edge of graduate. For me, it's not a joy but numb; not a relax, but introspection, I always tell myself: college is a real deal and it's coming. In the fall of 2014, I resolutely come to the United States. From then on, I will embark on an adventure - study abroad. I have moved my life from China to Florida. You might want to ask me why? My answer is culture shock and experiences. I always wonder why this world is made up by multicultural? Would you change your culture through the environment you have involved? I think of the universe as a collection of stories through time and space that are lost when they go unwitnessed. Cultures are the mediums through which we share these stories. Arts, Music, Literary works... they are the bridges that people build across the gulf, the bond we have created, by empathy and imagination. Cultures are the windows through which we can look outside our lives and others lives and see the rest of the universe. We choose the image of the world by choosing the window. The more windows we open, the more detailed our view of the universe will be. And what we see shapes who we are.
The three years of high school I had experienced in America is such a long time, but just as the movie of Inception shows, after woke up I feel the past seems too short instead. The learning process is like a chemical reaction. Who I used to be and who I am now, seem to consist of different molecules. What I have learned in classes makes me feel I've landed in another planet, while the hardship in life is like an endless game. Everyone who has such experiences would know this is a comprehensive engineering about life. Therefore, what I've grown up to be finally, are all about characters and cultures changing.
"Another planet?" this may sound too exaggerated. But the culture and educational system differences sometimes cause me feel like that way. On this planet, all of my senses are opened. Every single of my classes is open up horizons. I still remember the first day of school, the first time I met my English teacher, a short lady with brown hair and she was wearing a low-cut dress, and heave makeup on. Another memory is the first time I have met a "911" firefighter in our school. He was sitting on the stage and talking about his rescue experiences during "911." The gloomy atmosphere filled the air, he said, "We have always wanted to save one more person, but after the dug, we only found a hand, which still has a wedding ring on it." After fourteen years, he still cried like a baby while he was telling the story. My first class challenge is a biology presentation that I have to do with three people as a group in front of the class. I was really nervous at that time and meanwhile, I told the teacher I'm not good at English and nervousness. But he only said "let's see." I have to force myself to do it because it's involve the final grades of the whole group. I was panic at the beginning of the presentation, but what I've received at the end is a round of applause.
A different country, a different culture. I defined the real me when I immerse myself in another culture. Study abroad for me is a process of seeking balance between original and acquired. Every day is arduous but precious, all I need to do is open my eyes and ears to listen and memorize.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Shi, what you have discussed in this essay is a better fit for the prompt that dictates:
Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
Reviewing the content of your essay does not display a problem, research query, ethical dilemma, or some issue of personal importance that warranted the development of a solution. The narrative you have chosen portrays more a background story regarding your desire for a better education overseas. When an essay has been written with such emotion and relevance to the background of a person, I normally suggest that the essay be used in its original form, but in response to a different prompt. That way the hard work that you did on the essay is not wasted. I wonder if you would consider doing such a thing? If you opt to use the above prompt instead, you will have to write a totally new essay that is more relevant to the prompt requirements.
@Holt
Thank you so much for your suggestion! i'm actually in a dilemma of choosing the right prompt. If i change the prompt, do you think this will be a good one? Do i need to add more personal experiences or anything else? Thanks for reviewing.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 4783 Hi Shi, well, I do not think that you actually need to add to anything more to the essay that you currently have written unless you want to. Like I said, the prompt is what needs to be replaced. Not the content of the essay. You see, there are times when you write an essay and you think that it perfectly responds to a particular prompt that you want to respond to. In this case, the essay was accidentally written in response to a different prompt. Maybe you were previously considering that prompt then changed your mind. Whatever the reason, your essay best fits the prompt I suggested above. So go ahead and switch the essay prompts around. The essay will be better off after the switch is made and it will not cost you any revision of content either. So it is a win-win situation for you.
