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'Struggling is what paves the golden path to success'; bring beliefs in the Sikh religion; NYU essay



trod58 1 / -  
Dec 16, 2014   #1
NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can you offer NYU?

A superficial trait that I have picked up over my life of high education is that if you dress well, you will inevitably test well. Although there is not necessarily any substantial evidence behind this "theory", it is still a jovial way of thinking that I have ingrained into my persona, and I am fully prepared to bring it to the community at NYU.

On a more serious note, I have realized over the past four years of High School that struggling is what paves the golden path to success. Also, if you do not have obstacles standing in the way of that path, you are doing something wrong. Due to unpopular Religious beliefs, my character and personality was constantly scrutinized- and even to an extent, "bullied". Instead of taking the harsh names and malicious words that were thrown at me to heart, I used them to motivate me, to show people my real capabilities. I struggled my way through high school, and reshaped my personality. NYU can offer me a heavily diverse campus, where I can freely practice my beliefs, and give other people the respect necessary for them to practice their beliefs.

Not only can I bring my stylish wardrobe to the campus at NYU, but I can bring my beliefs in the Sikh religion also. I am confident that the student body and faculty members are structured in a manner that I can prosper my character.

Any tips or advice for my essay? the structure is kind of weird and the ending is weak, so i need some help. Got rejected from Northeastern too so I really want to make sure that I give all I have for NYU.

Charphil 5 / 25  
Dec 16, 2014   #2
I really liked the first sentencie, but you only reconnected to it in the last paragraph when you simply mentioned your wardrobe. If I were you, I would try to come up with something creative and strong in the last paragraph in order to make everything you said on the second paragraph more concrete. The ideas are greats and you write really well. Just try to focus more on how the theory you mentioned in the first paragraph compares to the struggles on your second paragraph and conclude with something that pass the message that you will be an asset for the NYU community for being who are. I'm sorry about Northeastern, though. good luck! hope this helps


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