'student council experience extracirricular activity ways I can make it sound better?

I have two years of experience with the student council of my high school, one year as the secretary and the other year as the vice president. When I was the vice president of the council, the president and I came up with an idea to make discount cards of local businesses to donate the profits to a local organization in Cambodia. In order to create the card, I had to contact the business managers of businesses, present to them the details of the plan, and create official contracts. Although it was difficult at the time, I now feel that it was a valuable experience for me in that it was my first time dealing with official business deals. What was more meaningful was the donation of the funds we raised. We wanted our funds to really be used for good causes, so we looked for an organization that is not corrupt and is meaningful. We chose to donate to an orphanage in Cambodia, and watching the children run around with excitement was one of the most fulfilling moments of my life.

Breathe more life into your response. Right now, what I see is facts and "we did this", "I did this", "this is what happened". Attempt to convey how doing these things have impacted you as a person. How have you grown through the situation presented?

You can also turn the last sentence into a clincher. Describe that one moment.

Well the activity you have mentioned above is quite a great case for short anwer. You've got enough details and shining points. The thing is that it sounds like an instruction or explanation. Maybe you can make it more dramatic-use more attractive words or get a better structure. In my opinion just try to tell a story-what you have felt and what made you grow. Anyway, good luck to you!