Student Government, Meetings, Elaborate on extracurricular activity (Common app)

PLEASE HELP WITH MY ACTIVITIES ESSAY FOR THE COMMON APP.
please be honest and I am open for critiques good or bad, let them flow :)
Thanks a lot, I really appreciate the help.

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

"Squeak" "Squeak" it is the sound of my pen, as I scribble down notes in my notepad during a student government meeting. "Tap-tap" it is the sound of my fingers clicking away on the keyboard as I try to schedule appointments with co-workers. For me, I take pleasure in those consecutive meetings. I find comfort in creating collaborative programs with faculties. I take great pride in listening to the voice of club leaders as they conduct their club meetings. Sometimes I enjoy the stress that is put upon me as I fill out paper works, send out emails or prepare meeting's agenda. As the Speaker of the Caucuses, I value the students that walk in the office seeking leadership opportunities. I get intrigue, facilitating caucuses' events which discuss issues concerning us the students. During those events, my passions, desires and motivation kick in and take over my body. As my day comes to an end in the office, and I shut my computer off, I usually make my way toward the glass window, and stare outside as the sun reaches its zenith point, while I reflect on the day, anticipating on what tomorrow's might bring.

The material of your response is excellent and I think you are definitely doing a great job with this piece. However, the way you describe the various things you do is very repetitive particularly with the word I beginning several consecutive sentences. My advice is to create smoother transitions between your sentences to help the reader by maintaining the flow of the response. Great ending by the way, it really works for your response.

I rewrote another short essay:

It is the simplest of movements: (Sohar Zaki) lifts hip, place foot down, lifts other hip, place foot down. It is the graceful actions: hands up, elbows slightly bend into a diamond-shaped and slowly glad head from side-to-side. As the ancient rhythm (Baladi) of the Middle East begins, my body slowly moves to its beat, while my feet shimmy in a traveling motion. I am lost in transactions, lost to the music. My mind is free to drift; it's free to sift in a world of nothingness, while my body mimics a snake. For me, belly dancing is my safe zone, a place where I can release stress, forget my worries, and create a world where my mind is at peace. As my shimmies speeds up, my movement starts to create an illusion of stillness, and my arms gracefully frame my body, while I am lost in my own deep rhythm.