Tell us why you selected your major or your area of interest.
When I was younger, I was asked a question that is generally common for young children: What did I want to be when I grow up? Most people do not usually think that a child as young as five years old knows what they want to do for the rest of their life. What people want to hear is the possibility of what life can bring you, and what you can bring yourself. They are looking for some kind of reassurance that youth is still innocent of the world, and that dreams can come true.
My dream, as a young child, was never very constant. Over the years my potential career list has included: doctor, actress, astronaut, business woman, lawyer, and engineer. To this day, I am still not sure exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life. However, what I do know is how I am going to accomplish it. I am going to study engineering. Engineering has the gift of being a very versatile major; after earning a Bachelor of Science in the field I could easy move on to any of the careers of my childhood list.
My educational goal is to earn an undergraduate degree in engineering, then to continue my education in a field that I adore. As far as my career goals go, the sky is the limit. My parents always tell me that I can do whatever I set my mind to, and I believe them. I can be successful at whatever I try. The only requirement I have of my future career is that it does good to others in some kind way, for my true measurement of success will be how many lives I make better along the way.
Did I answer the topic? Also, I'm looking to shorten it a bit. What should I take out? Any criticism at all would be appreciated. Thanks in advance
Try to cut out the unnecessary, wordy stuff at the beginning. Get right to the meaningful observation that you are making:
When someone asks a child, "What will you be when you grow up?" They are not usually looking for an accurate answer. What people want to hear is the possibility of what life can bring you, and what you can bring yourself. They are looking for some kind of reassurance that youth is still innocent of the world, and that dreams can come true.
My goal is to earn an undergraduate degree in engineering and then begin my graduate studies as I enter into a field that I adore.
1. I really like your reason for choosing time square (notice "time" not plural), that you can witness how electricity has made it all possible. The only thing here that I would change is the phrase "technology advances of today.." instead --> "today's technological advances"
2. I notice you've taken more of a philosophical approach to answer this question which may be good, if it can be clarified further as to why you would like to do engineering more specifically. I would definitely try to back up with more evidence as to why engineering "can do good to others in some way". It is a bit vague and sounds as if you are choosing engineering for the sake of choosing one. Although your answers are supposedly to be kept at minimum (as it seems), I would still be careful in providing detailed reasons as to why you chose engineering vs. others. Perhaps you can relate it to your background, personality, or interests as well.
3. It's good that you set out your reasons more clear here. I would just rearrange the first sentence to start out something like "Despite the fact that I lived only hour and a half a way... I still..."
Hope this helps!
