This is straight from the guidelines-
"You must have a cumulative GPA of 3.25 at time of graduation from ASAP; Students with GPA between 3.0 and 3.25 will be considered for the scholarship, but they must submit a brief statement that explains why their current GPA may not reflect their full academic potential and why."
I graduated ASAP with a 3.18 and this is my statement please help me make adjustments.
Statement regarding low GPA:
My first semester in Kingsborough Community College was the most challenging four months of my educational career. In high school, I did a lot of slacking and did not learn the study methods required to survive in college. When I first started Kingsborough I thought to myself that it would just be another few classes that I can easily stray through. I thought I was doing fine until I got my grades at the end of the semester and realized that I really need to change the way I study and improve in these classes which should be simple. After that first semester, it was smooth sailing with A's and B's in most classes with the exception of a few tough graders. Now that I have learned the proper form of studying I know that I can hold a high GPA at a senior college and I am confident that I will succeed.
So, you start off as a major-league slacker, ("I did a lot of slacking and did not learn the study methods required to survive in college") then do a bit of studying while remaining a fairly hard core slacker ("I really need to change the way I study and improve in these classes which should be simple."), and blame your few remaining low grades on "tough graders." Well, I know I'd be knocking down your door trying to give you a scholarship.
Try revising your essay to put yourself in a better light. Explain that you got very good marks in high school without having to do much work. When you got to college, you found the expectations were much higher, which caused your marks to drop. You then rose to the challenge, studying hard, dedicating yourself to your academic career. This resulted in a restoration of your marks to mostly As, though not enough to pull your GPA back up over 3.25 when your lower first semester marks are included in the average, though you came very close, with a 3.18.
The above is the general sense of what you should say. However, you should say it by including specific examples of courses you took and study practices you implemented.
Thank you Sean. I appreciate the help and will get back to work.
Here is my revision. Thank you again for the help.
My first semester in Kingsborough Community College was the most challenging four months of my educational career. In high school, I got high grades while doing very little work. I assumed that college would be the same way and didn't realize the amount of effort one must put in to achieve high grades. After getting my grades at the end of the first semester I was disappointed with myself and made a promise to study more and raise my grades. Immediately, I got to work, studying harder and accepting help from tutors when in need and because of that my grades began to rise. However, it was not enough to pull my GPA over 3.25, though I came close with a 3.18.
the amount of effort one must expend to achieve high grades
After getting my grades at the end of the first semester, I
Immediately, I got to work, studying harder and accepting help from tutors when in need.andB ecause of those changes, my grades began to rise.
You might want to calculate and state your GPA for all but the first semester.
Thank you so much for all the help. This is my first time on this forum and I will be sure to visit it whenever I need help. I was never very good at writing essays and am glad that I can find help here.
Here is my final draft with all the revisions.
My first semester in Kingsborough Community College was the most challenging four months of my educational career. In high school, I got high grades while doing very little work. In all honesty, I assumed that college would be the same way and didn't realize the amount of effort one must expend to achieve high grades. After getting my grades at the end of the first semester, I was extremely disappointed with myself and made a promise to study more and raise my grades. Immediately, I got to work, studying harder and seeking help from tutors when in need. As a result, my grades began to rise. My GPA excluding the first semester is 3.43. However, due to the marks of my first quarter, the grades were not enough to pull my GPA over 3.25. I did come close with a 3.18 and have found the system of studying that works best for me. With this weekly schedule of studying a minimum of 2 hours per day, I am extremely confident that I will be receiving marks well above 3.25 when I pursue my bachelor's degree.
Your most recent draft is better. Now, you should expand on the part where you developed better study habits. At the moment, you deal with each development in the same length of time, which means you emphasize the positive and the negative equally. However, you should be emphasizing the positive more than the negative, since you want to show your good qualities more clearly than your bad ones, in order to appeal as strongly as possibly to the people reviewing your essay.
Now, you should expand on the part where you developed better study habits.
Right. So that they know you're not just saying this, be specific about your new study habits. What do you do differently? Do you follow a schedule or a particular method of study now?
Well the point of this statement is just supposed to be a short explanation of why my gpa is below 3.25. I am writing another one that is more detailed and that is the one they will be focusing on. The other one is about my longterm career and educational goals in 500 words. I dont want to get too wordy with this one becasue they ask for just a brief statement.
I'd say you could make it a bit longer and still be okay. Certainly, following our advice would give you a stronger essay, but the final decision is of course up to you.
Yes, it would only take a sentence or two to specify your new study habits. It is, of course, up to you. Just remember: You're asking them to waive a rule for you. That being the case, it may pay to be as forthcoming as possible about why they ought to do that.
