Studying a new yet similar branch to my previous one - motivation letter

Hello everyone:
first I would like to thank you for this great service and website...
I will enclose this motivation letter with my documents in my visa application in the German consulate soon, it is not final yet, any comments and opinions are so appreciated, i am applying for a major that is similar to one I have previously studied but didn't finish,

I have included my story in the motivation letter. They just require a motivation letter and no further prompts were mentioned.
I have put some sentences between brackets for the possibility to delete them in order to make the essay shorter.

Visa application Germany

Dear sir:
I am writing to apply for a long-term student visa for Germany in order to pursue my education in Computer science/Buisness information at Clausthal University of Technology.

My interest in applied science dates back to my childhood period.As I was raised in a family that believes in science,during every summer, I enrolled in courses in computer-related topics.In school, I had the desire to discover new-born fields so I was attracted IT to subjects.During high school,I had a passion towards electronics physics and mathematics, and I got the total mark in physics subject and high scores in other scientific ones. All these experiences were paving my way to my prospective career of becoming an engineer.That's why after a lot of hard work,I graduated with high a GPA that let me to enter the faculty of electrical and electronic engineering in Aleppo university.

While an undergraduate studying communication engineering in the faculty, I have taken not only courses in the field of communication engineering, but also those related to computer science in which I excelled like:C++ ,Algorithms and data structures and neural networks.I got to know the great deal that computer science has to do with my major and I considered this connection a probable subject for master degree. As I proceeded in my studies,and in response to my arising curiosity I enrolled in private courses in topics that are mutual between communication and computer science like computer networks. I got fascinated by the fact that the transformation of society is closely linked to current developments in communications and information technology, such as the Internet, multimedia and 4G wireless. I was fueled by a desire to contribute to the development of my country's technology in its bright prospect future.

My enthusiasm for knowledge was repelled by the erupting war whose onset dates back to seven years. In my college, a lot of the university's best professors has traveled, I was also deprived of an important stage in my study which is the internship, in which the engineer gets mixed with the practicality of the companies. I was on the brink of graduation when situations reached the point where I had to leave Syria after the persistence of electricity cuts and being displaced because my house was bombed. With my lack of practical experience my discontinued study profile,however,I was determined on moving forward to complete my

scientific career abroad, (Turkey was the most likely destination to travel .
After learning Turkish to a certain extent, I joined a Turkish university, but that university did not reach my ambitions. After doing researches and discussions with most of my colleagues, I found that Turkish universities are not comparable with the level of German or European universities in general.)

(I want to take a step further in my undergraduate studies and move to a country where theory and practice are combined to produce a world-class education,a place where brilliant minds cooperate to take the concept of education to the next level,that's when I thought of Germany.)

I got to know more about Germany's education system first by my brother who is studying in one of Germany's universities,he reported to me the high quality of education and the well-equipped laboratories in his university. After doing my research, I felt inclined to choose Germany because it's one of the pioneers in the field of computer science.Moreover,living and breathing the international atmosphere and integrating with English and German speaking people in order to develop a third language is undoubtedly one of the motivations for studying in a country as multicultural as Germany.

I seek to deepen my knowledge and develop my skills in computer science in regard to my previous study, that's what encouraged me to pick the computer science program of TU Clausthal. It is a unique program in Germany which offers the opportunity to choose a main focus from according to the main fields of Computer Science,(then a certain area of specialization can be chosen from alongside with many others within that main focus accordingly,which led me to) an interdisciplinary specialization that integrates computer engineering with my previous knowledge.This program which has more than one internship that makes it close to industry,stands as an unprecedented opportunity for me to further hone my abilities and compensate for the practical experience that I missed during my existence in Syria .

I believe that Syria now more than any other time requires a skilled and high qualified scientists and engineers to contribute to its rebuilding, that's why for now my long term goal is to become a prominent professional in the IT industry in my country and work towards its development and rebuilding.

In conclusion I am confident that TU Clausthal is the right place for me to earn the knowledge and exposure to be that engineer with international experience ready to return to Syria after the war ends,as well it will help me achieve me goals and attainment in life.

(I didn't mention why I chose this university, I still can if somebody can refer to its importance)

thanks.

Mohammed, a motivation letter is something that deals with the reasons why you wish to pursue a particular course in a particular university, in a specific country. So the elements of the motivation letter are as follows:

1. The basis of your personal and academic desire to excel in the field (the two are connected)
2. The reasons why you chose to study in Germany
3. What motivating factors made you choose this course and university in particular.
4. Your plans for your future employment in Syria as your motivating factor to return home after completing the course.

Reword your opening paragraph to indicate the development of your interest in computer science from the time you entered high school. Do not say "childhood" because children do not have the capacity to ambition for a career in the same way that a high school student does. Most of all, reviewers do not believe any statement that starts with "My interest stemmed from my childhood." That is the period of birth to 12 years old in most instances and as such, a child is not yet well informed about the need to have an ambition in life. It doesn't fly and the consular officer will not believe it.

You only need 4 paragraphs for this type of motivation letter and I spelled out the paragraph content for every section above. Use that as your guide. For the basis of your academic desire to excel in this field, use the story about Syria now lacking in professionals to work in this industry as the academic and personal motivating factor.

Thank you Holt for your valuable feedback,
some of the elements which you mentioned are already mentioned in the letter, like why you chose to study this major in this university and why you choose to study in Germany, is that you you mean I should rewrite the letter? or maybe revise it? should I consider re-writing those parts because they may not be outstanding? or I may keep those who are existing and revise the ones irrelevant?

And about the elements,should they be sequenced in chronological order?

Mohammed, since I advised you to keep the letter down to the more appropriate 4 paragraphs, it would be best if you write a new letter instead. In the new letter, you may represent a focus on the 4 important / required elements in any order you want to represent it. It doesn't have to be in chronological order. The reason why it would be better if you just write a new letter is simple. It is easier to include the required elements in a new setting rather than forcing the old set up to meet the new requirements. While you did represent some of the elements in the current version of your motivation letter, it is not represented in the appropriate manner as the current version includes many unnecessary elements that the visa officer does not require not has any interest in learning. Stick to the academic focus of the discussion, how it relates to your professional interests, and how it will help you get started in your career upon your return to Syria. That is all that is required.