'studying the origins of the universe' - Boston University Supplement

Boston University is a good fit for me because it offers a bachelor's in Astronomy and Astrophysics with a Master's and Doctoral in Astronomy. Not many schools offer Astronomy or Astrophysics, so to offer both is a unique opportunity that would be a shame to pass up. BU would give me an amazing opportunity to research at the Lowell Observatory, and to use some of the most renowned telescopes in America. BU professors have made significant discoveries in the scientific world, and it would be a dream come true to assist them in gaining further knowledge of the unknowns. With the perfect student faculty ratio of 13:1, I know I will get the attention I need from my professors and the appropriate student teacher relationship students need in order to understand and succeed. When I am not in the library studying the origins of the universe or the unknowns of black holes, I will have the chance to explore one of the most diverse and historic cities in the country. There will never be a dull moment during my time at BU, whether I am going to a Red Sox game or visiting Paul Reveres home. I know I will have the best opportunity here to learn and mature into an outstanding individual.

Paul Revere's*
Advice: This seems like an essay that anyone can write by looking at the web site. Perhaps include why you are interested, and personalize your essay a bit. Show your character in this essay. Why should BU accept you over other students?

Would you help me proofread my essay too? :)

Great point, thank you.
How do I phrase: " I have a persistent drive to satisfy my curiosity about the unknowns of the universe, and to make astronomical discoveries in the science field. All anyone hears about is Newton, Einstein, Bohr, Tesla etc. I want to be a prominent female scientist...?"