Essay #1: In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.
With practice three times a week, three hours a day throughout the whole year, dragon boat requires an immense amount of dedication. Upon joining, my initial impression was that the sport was too vigorous and that I could not handle the extremity of the practices.
"We practice in the rain, wind, and hail. There is no excuse for not coming out unless you're dying in a hospital bed." A chill ran through my entire body upon hearing this. However, something kept me from leaving; it could have been the muscles I was gaining or the surge of excitement I received each time the boat rushed towards the finish line. Ultimately, the bond that formed was the reason I arrived to each practice ready to give all of my efforts. My dedication will guide me in striving and attaining each goal I set at BU.
Like a rapid chain reaction, if one person stops paddling, everyone's will to paddle diminishes, making the boat incredibly heavy. Each race, my muscles become sore and achy, and my body tells me that its had enough by signaling me to place the paddle against the gunnel to quit. My sense of discipline is what urges me to continue until the three glorious words, "let it ride" are spoken by the steersman. Continuing to paddle is beyond enduring the physical pain. Anyone can go through the movements but it takes a strong mentality to put the maximum amount of energy possible into each stroke. Being a disciplined individual has shaped my personality to push and bring myself to new levels of life. At BU, I will seize the opportunities thrown my way and shape them into something great by doing things correctly and in a timely manner. I will persevere through obstacles and overcome temptations of succumbing to do "just enough."
Everyone has the desire to win, but as races pass by, I begin to notice that this desire is only a veneer covering greater things. To desire is to have an inspiration and drive to work harder to give more. I recall my first race being a depressing event due to my boat coming in last. Though all twenty paddlers gave it their all, we could not beat our competitors. Practice resumed and I asked myself what I could do to improve. I corrected my technique by rotating, reaching, and having a stronger top-arm drive for each stroke. As I began speaking up, "Harder! Better! Stronger!" improvement became visible. The boat began to glide swiftly and there would be a surge of water at the head of the boat with each advancing meter. I realize that it is not the desire to win that motivates me, but is the desire to improve. The desire that activates my willpower to augment ensures that all I come upon at Boston University will be done with a fervent attitude and completed to its greatest quality.
I know that I will benefit the BU community just as much as BU will benefit to me. My dedication, discipline, and desire ensures that each undertaking I accept will be accomplished with a clear goal in mind.
word count: 526
davidgoes Edit Delete Move 71.134.246.150
Jan 4, 2010 #16
I have a lot of dialogue involved and it may be a little too much. And maybe it doesn't explain how I'll benefit the BU community well enough. Tell me what you think.
Thanks!
I agree with what you said. A dialogue isn't a essay and contribution to the BU community should be more of the essay as everyone has different qualities. They want to know how you can help them in return for their education.
I demonstrated the long O sound by making ape-like gestures. "Ooo, Ooo, Ahh Ahh. It makes the oooo sound when there are two O's." Crystal would giggle and begin sounding out the word on her own.
crystal or karen...?
Because of my wide variety of interests, I know that I will be able to spread the kindness I possess to many people. I will positively influence the BU community and the people around me to give and act from their heart.
it seems like kindness or variety would have been one of your adjectives because you briefly expand on those, and the following sentence makes it seem like those two adjective is what would benefit the bu community.
I think you could cut your dialogue significantly and expand on how the three adjectives make the person you are and how they would contribute, because really, you only briefly explain how it'd help in your last paragraph but it could come off as a plug in paragraph? im not sure i hope this helped
Yes it did! Thank you! I think I'm going to have to rewrite the whole thing. Poo. :(
Haha; and the Crystal thing. . I changed it to Karen because I didn't want to release her name.
FAIL. +___+
=___=.
I'm so tired of this essay!
Phew. After so many hours. . I finally re-did the supplement essay.
(: Please help! I desperately need it.
Dx I don't know how I should end and if I should add more about me contributing to BU. Any suggestions and criticism welcome.
Thank you all so much.
And Happy New Year's Eve!
In five or six sentences, tell us how you first became interested in BU and what steps you have taken to learn more about us.
Upon my search for the leading institutions of Occupational Therapy, Boston University had been a school I overlooked due to it being clear across the country. I expanded my choices and decided that leaving home would be the chance I had been looking for to grow independently. I caught myself typing in 'bu.edu' every time the computer was in front of me and absorbing any facts and information I could set my eyes on. BU rapidly drew itself to the top of my list. Using the internet as my prime resource, I read about experiences and thoughts of the school through forums and videos. Ranging from the studying abroad to the diverse community, BU is where I want to be. The viewbook states "Picture yourself at Boston University." And so I did.
[Alternative ending sentence: After . .BU is where I want to be.] Perhaps I love scarlet more than Rhett.
Please help me choose!
Thank you. <3
It is very good, but the only thing you may want to reconsider is how you said you overlooked it in the beginning, but all in all very good
OH MY GOD
theres a lot of Taiwanese!
I am, too :D and I am applying BU also.
你講的話太難了。 我要問我爸爸你講什麼！
你讀那一科？ 你也要apply BU 是麼？
好了。我講英文吧。中文不太好。 哈哈。
You should help me with my mandarin.
(:
Aw. talking to you makes me miss Taiwan.
What do you want to major in?
If you need anymore help, let me know!
Tsung-yu; COOL! (:
Are you ABT or from Taiwan?
haha.
Revised! :) Please help! I hope to turn it in tomorrow! <3
Please help spot for any grammatical errors and word choice.
And better sentence structure! haha Thank you all.
I'll read yours too! :) Just post a link or Specify.
My desire is working towards a goal and seeking improvement in myself. How much more can I give? What can I do to improve?What can I do to make myself a better...? To have a desire is to have an inspiration and drive to work harder and give more.
I thought it is really good already. I deleted the two questions and make it one to make it shorter, but you have to add a word there yourself. It is just a suggestion though. Overall, Good job! :)
"We work hard, but we play harder." This team motto encourages paddlers to be serious but also have fun at the appropriate time. As a team, we influence one other .another
My sense of discipline is the thingwhat that keeps my mentality strong to continue paddling.
I think you should spell out Boston University instead of using BU
good luck with your application!!
a dialogue really doesnt help for a prompt like this. reword and try to change the format. try to tell a story that answers the prompt excellently, but keep the same theme, but only if it applies to one of those three words that best describes you. for instance, if you were, let's say, community minded, this would be a great way to prove this claim. Good luck and keep going!!!
Now I'm a few words over but I changed a lot of it. Please look it over! :)
Thanks for everyone's suggestions!
To Jasmine, I think you read the wrong essay. :P
Wow i loved your essay, since i am a fellow dragon boater, your essay really conveyed your characteristics through your solid examples. I feel as though you should develop more examples instead of giving your own ideals, you lack solid and multiple examples, if you include them I feel as though your essay would be very unique!
Please read over my essay and give me feedback!
