Here's my essay to the prompt of Why X? Any comments or such would be loved. To be honest, I really don't like this essay. I've spent hours trying to think of a witty answer to the prompt but I can't think of one. Here's my best answer.
1. Does it sound too negative?
2. And yeah, I know that my conclusion is crap. Working on it.
Apparently, suicide rates in America have been steadily going up in recent years, since 1999 to be exact. Though this rise is a seemingly minor and insignificant 0.5% buildup, the effects of it on modern society are clear. Everywhere I go I'm endlessly barraged with propaganda determined to keep me alive. Take television for example. Keep the TV on the Discovery Channel long enough and you'll eventually be watching "I Shouldn't Be Alive," a show about people surviving unbelievable circumstances thanks to endurance and belief. Shows like this are popping up everywhere from "Scarred" on MTV to "Animal Heroes" on Animal Planet. The message is always the same "Yay for being alive!" There are dozens of much less discreet forms of this kind of propaganda though. Walking into an underground subway station, I see not only a vividly painted yellow line intended to keep me a good five yards away from the tracks but also large laminated posters that read "Don't Jump," each one filled with bright radiant colors. It's all grand scheme to keep me alive. However, let us focus on the source of all of this, the people who are contemplating suicide. While some people might view suicidal thoughts as resulting because of something, I have always viewed them as resulting from a lack of something, the thing that ultimately gives them happiness. I might never know what it is for them, but I think I know mine.
It's all in my relationships with others. People are my "x." A relationship means so much more than just a connection between two people. One can't label a relationship as a concrete thing but instead as something much more abstract.
A relationship satisfies my constant curiosity. I know my life perfectly inside and out; I live it after all. I know exactly how I feel about certain movies, what I like to order at 7-11, and why I think Taylor Swift is the cutest girl alive. To phrase this another way, I have a certainty about my life. What other's lives offer is an uncertainty. I want to explore the unknown. I would rather go on an adventure into downtown LA than live life easy at home and other people's lives are that adventure into downtown LA. I want to know how they feel, why they act the way they do and how they work. Relationships give my life meaning because each relationship helps quench my thirst for understanding of the unknown.
I also build relationships because only through them can I experience a certain range of emotions. The emotion of worry entails a sense of matter. I worry about my family, my friends, and my teammates because they all mean a great significance to me, whether because they feed me, help me win soccer games or know my deepest darkest secrets. These people matter to me and by matter, I mean that each of them gives my life some sort of purpose. I believe that the same thing happens when others worry about me, that I matter to them and that I give them a purpose. This kind of reaction expands to other emotions as well. Hate, love, and anger all represent different feelings but draw the same response from me, that I have a purpose. The sense of purpose is something that only the emotions of a relationship can build and this feeling is what keeps me going through life.
Some people view life in a hugely pessimistic manner. They believe that most of our hours are dark and dismal and that the bright hours of happiness are rare, but I don't like this view. I refuse to believe that I struggle through life only to enjoy hours that are few and far between because honestly, I couldn't live like that. I view life the other way. I am living in a world where the dark hours are dimmed by the ones that have burst open.
So what creates my hours of happiness then? Getting a new car? Eating the best sushi? No. People. People are what give me my hours of happiness. The power of my relationships with other people though is that they don't just offer me hours of happiness here and there; no, they offer me boundless hours of happiness. For example, my relationship with my mom doesn't make me happy only a few times a year. Rather, I am constantly happy when I am with her. She becomes happy when she watches my sports games and I become happy when I see her in the stands. The potency of our relationship is the potential of happiness. The verity that our happiness can always expand is what keeps me so involved in the relationship.
Relationships are something for me to explore, give me a feeling of purpose, and create my happiness. They are my "x" to the grand question of what keeps me alive.
Hi. Frankly, I have to agree with you. This essay isn't too interesting. That said, let's see what we could do was this.
Apparentlydon't use apparently as first word , suicide rates in America have been steadily going up in recent years, since 1999 to be exact.
While some people might view suicidal thoughts as resulting because of something, I have always viewed them as resulting from a lack of something, the thing that ultimately gives them happiness.
[something is a vague word. Repeating it makes it worse]
It's all in my relationships with others. People are my "x."A relationship means so much more than just a connection between two people. One can't label a relationship as a concrete thing but instead as something much more abstract.
I feel like it will be stronger without the last two sentences. A lot stronger.
I think Taylor Swift is the cutest girl alive Hah!That actually made me grin. Add more humor, please?
The emotion of worry entails a sense of matter.
Say what?
Relationships are something for me to explore, give me a feeling of purpose, and create my happiness. They are my "x" to the grand question of what keeps me alive.
Yeah, you should edit this.
---I feel like there's two main problem with this essay: 1)It's too abstract. 2)It's too repetitive.
1)It's not that your essay's negative, it's just too abstract and not abstract in the interesting, metaphysical way of a junior philosopher. It's just kind of bland... Take the fourth paragraph. I know it might be important to you, but nothing you said is unique to YOU. (Soccer is a little bit special, but it's not exactly an uncommon sport, and sub in basketball or football or lacrosse or chess and you soundly have 90% of the male population)
2. You repeat too much stuff. 'nuff said.
Please, please, please don't be offended by what I said. You still have 48 hours to edit the essay, and I genuinely hope you do a good one (UChicago is an awesome school).
