At this summit of world leaders, tensions were high; avoid falling into cliches.

Well im gonna post my essay below this. What i want to know is whether my essay can stand out from other essays like mine, since i heard there are similar essays about failed elections. i wanna know if mine is good enough to stand out, or whether i should do a different topic. Also, ANY other feedback (even grammar, vocab, whatever) is good. this is kinda one of my first essays, and its a rough draft (the first) so I dont know how good it is. Thank you VERY much in advance! Oh i forgot to mention, its the common app essay,

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

At this summit of world leaders, tensions were high. Taiwan had just recently been attacked, and action had to be taken. Finally, it was time for India's leader to give an opinion. He stood up, and as he spoke, he trembled visibly. Little chuckles arose from the other leaders as they tried to hold in their laughter.

This scene was from my 10th grade simulation. And the trembling leader? That was me. I had always had problems with public speaking. So as I sat in the middle of the gym, next to the podium that seemed so isolated even though it was surrounded by the other candidates, I couldn't help but be surprised. I wondered how in the world I had ended up in this position. As I got up from my seat and began to stand, the last month's campaign efforts flashed before my eyes. I saw everything from when I applied for Prefect, to when I competed with other candidates for space to hang up our ridiculous posters that had little else to do with running for Prefect besides the simple fact that they had our names on them. When I finally stood behind the podium and looked at the amalgam of students that was my school, I wished for just a bit of the confidence that had manifested itself inside me when I decided to run. I expected to have a breakdown up there. But nothing happened. I didn't collapse in a pool of my own tears (which I am proud to say has never happened, no matter how nervous I got) and my voice didnt tremble (though I wish I could say the same about my legs, which were fortunately covered by the podium). I felt strangely comfortable up there, and I seemed to convey that. My audience laughed at all the right parts in my speech, and clapped just a bit more than politeness requires. And when I finished, I felt that I had accomplished a great thing.

That's why I didn't really feel too bad that I didn't win. For one of the first times in my life, I had stepped out of my boundaries. It amazed me that I had the confidence within me. This newfound confidence helped me be a little more outgoing. And it even led me to run for class senator, which I won. My failed attempt at running for Prefect had opened new doors for me, and awoke courage that I didnt think I had.

The first paragraph is an attention grabber! good.
From a grammatical perspective do know use "didnt" and words like, you need to write them completely out "did not".
To make this more of an original writing piece, in the central/middle paragraph try showing the audience how you felt rather than say you felt "suprised, uncomfortable, or accomplished".

What are you surprised at in this sentence "I couldnt help but be surprised"? youre fearful of the situation.
Perhaps you should say "I could not stop my mind from pondering as to how I had ended up in this strange predicament".

try not to use simple words like "got".
also, i dont know how i feel about interjecting thoughts using paratheses in the middle of sentences. Your ideas such be naturally free flowing.
The last paragraph is definitly cliche. someone who received better reviews than they had thought would gain confidence and courage to face his/her fears.

Depending on the types of schools you are applying to I would either keep the first paragraph and rewrite the rest or rethink the "stage fright" idea all together.

good luck!

thank you very much! also, what do you mean rethink the stage fright idea? take it out? make it sound better?

I like the essay overall. You have a lot of small, specific details that make the experience vivid and interesting, even if the topic is one that is, as you realize, a bit overdone.

Why, though, mention that you didn't win the election? The essay is about how you overcame your fear of public speaking. The natural conclusion would be to return to your 10th grade simulation and talk about how your memory of the campaign gave you strength to give a good presentation.

I think it's good that you disclose that you didn't win but felt more confident anyway. That shows the kind of maturity colleges are looking for. The essay is charming and engaging overall. Good job!

Either way, you should still return to the simulation at the end of the essay. You need to close the frame, whether you mention the result of the campaign or not.