Go-go the suprising culture- UVA supplement essay

Prompt: What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?

Snare drum banging, guitars humming- that's the sound of go-go. Family and friends from out of state ask what go-go is; I tell them it is the sound of Washington, D.C. It is the music that makes the DMV (DC/ Maryland/ Virginia) area unique, giving us a distinct identity. Nonstop is the sound, dancing track after track, the music keeps on living. It does not need to be mainstream to succeed; all it needs is the DMV. Ever changing is the music, never hear the same beat, it all flows from the soul to the instruments. The music is not just a genre, it is culture. Politicians tried to stop it but culture cannot be forgotten, the go-go bands kept the movement going, never letting up. It has been put down time after time as senseless beating of drums, with people ignoring the rhythm. Go-go brought together hip hop and rock, making its own genre. This culture has astounded me with its resilience and its individuality; it does not need to be mainstream or accepted by the majority. It has taught me to never let my dreams go just because the outcome looks bleak. Go-go has shown me to not let the world change me, but rather change the world. Go-go is the renaissance of this century.

I was actually trying to make this essay unique, making it a mixture of rhyme/essay. So yeah, critique away!

This has a 250 word limit, right? I'd use up as much of that space as I can and elaborate on the "what way" part of the question. You've done a good job of the first part, the "what," but you didn't talk about the effect it had on you.

think it's good but your not completely answering the question. What work has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way? So you have to write about the actualy work, and how it affected you. Here's how I'd change your essay:

Many family and friends have asked what go-go is and I tell them it is the sound of DC. It is the music that makes the DMV (DC/ Maryland/ Virginia) area unique, giving us a distinct identity. Nonstop is the sound of the music that keeps on living. The music is ever changing, you never hear the same beat twice, and it all flows from the soul to the instruments. The music is not just a genre it is culture. It has been this culture that has formed my character. Without it, I don't know if I'd still be who I am today.

Many have tried to stop it but it cannot be forgotten, the Go-go bands kept the movement going, never letting up. Even though it has been put down time after time, it has persevered. It's taught me that giving up is not an option, that no one can put me down; and I'll always keep trying to follow my dreams. Go-go has astounded me with its spirit and its individualism; it does not need to be mainstream or accepted by the majority. There's a lot to learn from Go-go, it is an exceptional example for all.

I am not an english teacher, I'm a highschool senior, and this is just How I'd do it.
But yours is great and i guess you can take this as another view point.

This is an excellent topic to use, and your sentences are full of interesting detail, eloquently delivered.

Great collaboration here, thanks everyone!

...is the sound of Washington, D.C.

Thanks guys for the feedback! I added 40 words to it, making it 220+ words. I elaborated in the end on what the effect it had on me was.

it's great, i just see one tiny thing.


I'd add you there b/w the music and never (the bold part).

Beside that it's really good and i don't think it needs anymore fixing