Essay on swimming - it's part of my life - Babson

I had my first swimming lesson without water wings when I was three; I loved it. As I grew faster, stronger, and more competitive, I not only learned how to swim all strokes, but I excelled in every challenge my coach raised for me. Today, 15 years later, I recognize that swimming is part of my life. My coach taught me that there are two paths in life: to give up or to try harder, because giving up means you didn't try hard enough. For me, striving for the best is a principle applied to every single action of mine.

Maybe you can explain some of those experiences or give an example.

Thanks for the advice jayj! The problem is that my word limit is 100 and i'm right on that mark already. Any suggestions?

Philipe, my advice is to skip the part about starting your swimming lessons at an early age. Instead, work your statement to discuss the lessons that you learned from swimming. That way you can discuss the two paths that you learned from your coach and you have a chance to discuss how those choices apply to the everyday decisions that you make in your life. The admissions officer does not really need to know when you started your swimming lessons nor why. What he wants to know about is how swimming has affected your development as a person and how it may continue to help you grow further in your college career. So discussing it from that point of view will be vital to your statement and will reveal many things about you that your other common app essays may not shed light on. Do you think you can give that point of view a try? It is alright if you go over the word limit, we can help you bring it down while keeping the essence of your statement intact :-)

Thanks! I'll Post the edited version soon

Thanks a lot for the advice! I Think I managed to improve it, but I still have 12 words above the limit and I do need help to cut them up. Please feel free to correct any grammar mistakes and/or give opinions on the paragraph. Thanks in advance

I've always thought that being short and chubby was a good excuse for being a lazybones in swimming. One day, my coach taught me that there are two paths in life: to give up or to try harder. I acknowledged that I wasn't trying hard enough but I knew that didn't want to give up either. Striving for the best became my #1 principle. Soon, I grew stronger, faster, and competitive. I not only learned to swim with austerity, but also I excelled in every challenge upraised by my coach. With perseverance, commitment, and tenacity, I keep my head up and treat every obstacle as a new opportunity to prove myself capable.

Philipe, I was able to bring it down to 99 words. See if this works for you. Feel free to use it or make it the basis of your next revision :-)

I've always thought that being short and and chubby were good reasons for failing to swim successfully. My coach disagreed with me by teaching me that I had two paths to choose from in life, either I try or give up. I knew I wasn't trying hard enough to improve at swimming but after our talk, "striving to succeed" became a part of my character I became stronger, faster, and competitive. I learned to excel at challenges through perseverance, commitment and tenacity. By swimming, I learned that there no incapable persons, only people who are not willing to try.

Louisa, thanks for helping me with this! Below is my final version.

I've always thought that being short and and chubby were good reasons for failing to swim successfully. My coach disagreed with me and taught me that I had two paths to choose from in life: either I try or give up. I knew I wasn't trying hard enough to improve at swimming but after our talk, "striving to succeed" became a part of my character. I became stronger, faster, and competitive. I learned to excel at challenges through perseverance, commitment and tenacity. By swimming, I learned that there are no incapable persons, only people who are not willing to try.

I changes 1 or 2 things only.. I really appreciate your help! :) 100 words!