TAKING ANOTHER STEP Dreams and inspirations are built as children observe the world surrounding them

I'm not a good write myself, so I would appreciate if anyone can help me to revise or give me any advice to improve my personal statement! Thank you.

Dreams and inspirations are gradually built as children observe the world surrounding them. Having lived in three different countries, which include Japan, Germany, and America, I have been exposed to a diverse culture difference. Experiences gained in these worlds have inspired me to become an independent and responsible individual.

Under the influence of Japan's education, I was taught with a great sense of accountability and dignity. As the oldest child in my family, I was constantly aware of the fact to be sensitive to various situations that must be carefully dealt with caution. Born between the parents of Taiwanese and Japanese, I also understood the difficulties my parents faced with each other due to their difference in culture backgrounds. Not only did I have to manage my own problems, but also to set an example to my sisters. I was their role model, the leader. The idea of being a reliable and responsible sister was emphasized in my head when I was informed of our moving to Germany.

The ultimate challenge or fear that a child can ever encounter in their life is when attending a new school in another country. I was overpowered with a sense of hopelessness when exposed by the difference in culture and language. It was not an easy task for me to blend into my new environment at school while hearing unfamiliar language and being surrounded by classmates who looked nothing like me. Despite these factors, I had no choice but to face this reality. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. My face burned in heat whenever I asked a simple question, in which I sensed every person in the classroom recognized my question as a stupid question. The stares of my classmates were like stabbing from behind but I have grown to care less and forget about shame. I knew my questions were worthy to be asked in order to improve my level in German. However, news of our moving hit me hard as I was beginning to like my life at school.

Not knowing English was certainly an obstacle that I had to overcome just like with German. I have quickly realized the importance of being a gate honor student while struggling in my ELD class. There were opportunities that I could not obtain with a mere ELD student title. I was crushed knowing that I am no close in striving for a same goal as those students who were born and raised in America. Surprisingly, I was motivated by this negative fact and worked as hard as I could to become one of them.

Experiences in Japan, Germany, and America have truly strengthened my foundations in becoming an independent and responsible person. Turning my head away from a demanding situation is not the solution to the problem. I have come to realize even in situations that seems impossible to solve, one must have the courage to take necessary steps in order to solve that problem.

Irene, this is a highly interesting personal statement that just needs to be edited a bit. Let me help you with that :-)


- ... have beenexposed to diverse cultures. The experience I gained...

-Living in Japan taught me about living my life with a sense of accountability and dignity. As the oldest child born to Taiwanese and Japanese parents, I had the unenviable task of carefully dealing with the cultural differences of my parents at home. This meant finding the balance and harmony between their individual cultures and traditions in order to create a unique perspective for myself and my siblings, to whom I served as a role model. This became an all to important duty for me when we were informed that our family would be moving to Germany.- Irene, it is best to talk of the culture of a country on a general basis rather than individualized by field. You see, it is living in the country, not just the educational system or social system that teaches you things. It is the overall effect of life there that creates your personality that is unique to your experience there.

- It was in Germany where my siblings and I experienced the problems of attending school in a country where we did not speak the native tongue of the people. This seemed like a futile exposure to culture for us because we had a difficult time adjusting to the language and the environment. Despite this, we soldiered on because I kept telling my siblings that there was a lesson to be learned in all of this. Just as we were slowly immersing ourselves in German culture and learning how to cope with the difference, we were once again informed about another family move. This time to the United States.

- Irene, you needed to build upon that very effective transition sentence at the end of your previous paragraph so I took the liberty of revising the paragraph form for you :-)

= How did that pay off for you in the end? Did you finally become one of them? How?

Thank you so much Louisa. Do you mind to look at my other prompt? I really love how you specifically corrected mine and what I lacked in each paragraph.