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'teaching the English language in South Korea' - Why did you choose to apply to UCF?

imcoole 1 / -  
Nov 25, 2009   #1
This is just one of my essays. The topic I chose was Why I chose to apply to UCF? I have a feeling that it may be too jumbled. So please help, even if there are many mistakes I don't mind as long as it turns out better :)

UCF is not just a renowned college but a place where students are educated to a great extent, to having fun and enjoying what UCF provides for the student body as a whole. Characteristics such as these draw me to UCF more than any other college in mind. When I first heard of the university, I was initially drawn to the College of Education. Providing me with an opportunity to help further reach my ideal career in teaching the English language in South Korea. I discovered just last year during the summer, my love and joy of kids at Multi Level Tutoring Daycare Center. Initially my goal was to get community service hours from the daycare center, but as time accrued I learned to love the kids and embrace my ability to help teach them, yet develop a close relationship with them at the same time. Being born in South Korea, to moving to America at a young age was definitely an obstacle for me. Not knowing the language was completely a hindrance and from my experiences, I want to help provide the best English education to students in Korea. The College of Education is not the only reason in pursuing my career and education at UCF. But a factor that really grasped my attention was the massive amount of extracurricular activities and clubs provided to the student body. When I researched the university, I stumbled upon the club organizations and events held at UCF, making me love the college even more. The campus in general reminds me of a symphony; a piece of artwork. Where so many various colors, elements, and sounds come together to create one beautiful, unique piece of art. There are so many types of clubs and events for the entire student body filled with different people and different cultures who all come together in the end as one tight knit family and University. And this is something I deeply admire about the school. The metropolitan location is also another great factor that excites me. Living in a small, unknown city of Florida for the past 9 years of my life with nothing to do and nowhere to go, makes me want to break free and experience all the shops, restaurants, and events in Orlando, the big metropolitan city of Florida. I want live and learn from the fast paced, fast growing society and move out from the dull, slow paced place I call home. There are so many things that draw me to UCF. This is my number one choice from all the other colleges; it is the college I want to go to and experience hands down, without a doubt.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 28, 2009   #2
Hello my friend. For advice about how to structure a paragraph,you should check out: https://essayforum.com/undergraduate-2/proud-tri-lingual-11005/

The big problem is that you need to use focal points. Think of your main focus for the whole essay -- one theme that it is all about. Stay focused on that one idea.

I remember reflecting on the campus and thinking about how it reminds me of a symphony; a piece of artwork.
PatelJ 4 / 7  
Dec 10, 2009   #3
I would probably try to focus more on the things that the college has to provide instead of what you want to do in the future, especially with the topic "Why did you choose to apply to UCF?"

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