Technology and computers educational goals - my college transfer paper

Please enter a 300-word essay describing your educational goals and motivation to attend college. You may also send essay in mail and will need to indicate so in box..

ALL APPLICANTS are required to submit a 300 word essay describing your education and career goals. What skills and experience do you currently possess that will help you reach your goals?

Technology has always been a big part of life since I was a child. My grandfather was an engineer who worked on countless technology products. I was always very intrigued to see him work and also learn from him. He sat down and we would work on projects together. That was where my love from technology stems from. I attended Somerville High School which had vocational programs. One particular curriculum it had was Computer Repair. From that curriculum I developed skills such as Installing, configuring and upgrading PCs, laptops and related equipment, Diagnosing and troubleshooting both common and unusual hardware and software problems, performing preventive maintenance on PC's equipment and also Maintaining locally connected and networked printers and adding necessary peripheral equipment. After I had finished high school I decided to further my education in technology by attending Benjamin Franklin Institute of Technology. My major is Computer Technology. Benjamin Franklin Institute helped me better grasp more information about technology, whether it is the software side or the hardware side of it. Now that I am almost than with Benjamin Franklin Institute, I still want to learn more as technology is always changing. I am interested in applying to your school because of the academic reputation that your school sustains. The rigorous curriculum and well known information technology department is vital piece to what I want to accomplish academically and also in my future. With acquired knowledge I would be confident I can do something good in my life and society. If I am accepted into your school I will do my absolute best to apply myself and achieve success in order to do well in life!

Technology has always been a big part of life since I was a child . Introduce this next fact with with a sentence similar to "That was where my love from technology stems from" My grandfather was an engineer who worked on countless technology products. I was always very intrigued to see him work and also learn from him.

Revise to make more eloquent: He sat down and we would work on projects together. That was where my love from technology stems from .

Merge next two sentences, get rid of high school's name, it is irrelevant. I attended Somerville High School which had vocational programs. One particular curriculum it had was Computer Repair.

BULKY sentence, feel free to be less specific in order to improve brevity. From that curriculum I developed skills such as Installing, configuring and upgrading PCs, laptops and related equipment , Diagnosing and troubleshooting both common and unusual hardware and software problems, performing preventive maintenance on PC's equipment and also Maintaining locally connected and networked printers and adding necessary peripheral equipment.

After I had finished high school(,) I decided to further(ed) my education in technology by attending (at) Benjamin Franklin Institute of Technology. You switched tenses, [decided to is]. I'd suggest merging this sentence with either the previous or next sentence. My major is Computer Technology.

This sentence is very odd, I'm not going to try to edit it, just replace it.
Benjamin Franklin Institute helped me better grasp more information about technology, whether it is the software side or the hardware side of it.

Now that I am almost than with Benjamin Franklin Institute, I still want to learn more as technology is always changing. I am interested in applying to your school because of the academic reputation that your school sustains.

Instead, try: "Though the institute gave me a strong fundamental understanding of technology, I understand that my field of interest is continuously growing. For this reason, I am interested in furthering my studies at your school."

The rigorous curriculum and well known information technology department is vital piece to what I want to accomplish academically and also in my future. With acquired knowledge I would be confident I can do something good in my life and society. If I am accepted into your school I will do my absolute best to apply myself and achieve success in order to do well in life!

To be honest, your essay doesn't answer the question. If I were you, I'd go into detail about the specific skills that you've learned that will help you achieve a specific career goal. Choose a dream job, even if you haven't made up your mind, and show how your education is all in preparation for that position.

Thanks for the great work you did here, aboveblues! That must have taken some time.


Well, I think the essay does answer the question here:

I developed skills such as Installing, configuring and upgrading PCs, laptops and related equipment, Diagnosing and troubleshooting both common and unusual hardware and software problems, performing preventive maintenance on PC's equipment and also Maintaining locally connected and networked printers and adding necessary peripheral equipment.

These are some impressive experiences!

Kevin, this will be easier to read if you separate it into 3 paragraphs! Use about 4 or 5 sentences in each paragraph. Let every paragraph begin with a PARAGRAPH TOPIC SENTENCE. (Google "paragraph topic sentence")

:-)