nishabala 4 / 91 Oct 23, 2010 #1Prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer).LEAVING MYSELF BEHINDWe wait in the wings as a thousand expectant faces are mesmerized by the stage where the spotlight shines bright. There's a flash of the rainbow, dizzying motion, and in just a moment the intricate reality we created recedes into the dominion of dreams. But the world existed and we created it; and in the end, that's what really matters.Theater has showed me how a whisper can be as effective as a holler; how a single step can mean more than a protracted sprint. It has taught me to slip into somebody else's skin, and see the world as they perceive; to cherish the parts that constitute a whole; and that to be right someone else doesn't have to be wrong. It has demonstrated both the power of a cohesive team and the value of preserving individuality in a team.And ironically, with every step of leaving myself behind, I grow.
simbamaxxed 5 / 59 Oct 23, 2010 #4Your second sentence is rather convoluted and wordy.I would aim for conciseness there.Otherwise it's perfect.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129 Oct 27, 2010 #5Theater has shown me how a whisper can be ...Not much room for improvement, because it is written so well! But I'll tell you some ideas that came to mind for me:...to see perceive the world as they perceive do; to cherish the parts that constitute a whole; and that to be right someone else doesn't have to be wrong. It has demonstrated both the power of a cohesive team and the value of preserving individuality in a team .