Thoughts on the start and revising the use of "I" (the sonography field)

The essay must demonstrate the applicant's perspective on the field of sonography and why he/she is choosing to pursue it as a career.

I am excited that I have found a career that I know I will enjoy and will be passionate about. For a while I have been searching to find my niche in the medical field. I began my journey in pursuit of the career by taking prerequisites for the program. Throughout my courses I became captivated by the design and science of the human body. I found myself wanting to soak up every bit of information I could possibly take in. This encouraged me to press on toward the goal of entering the program for sonography so that I could begin to put into practice all that I am learning.

The next step in my journey was to shadow an ultrasound tech. Standing there I watched as the transducer put images of an actual human body on the screen (in front of me??). The excitement within me grew as I saw a liver, a kidney, and then I saw the blood flow of the vascular system.

This is what I have so far. Any help is appreciated. Thank you.

What if you were only allowed to use one sentence and you had to convince a friend of the meaningfulness of sonography? What would you write if you had to write it in only one sentence.

Write that sentence as the first sentence of the essay, and you will intrigue the reader.
Then continue...
I am excited that I have found a career that I know I will enjoy and about which I will be passionate. about . For a while I have been searching to find my niche in the medical field, and I began my journey in pursuit of the career by taking prerequisites for the program. Throughout my ...--- I trimmed away some superfluous words.

The next step in my journey was to shadow an ultrasound tech. Standing there ... and then I saw the blood flow of the vascular system.--- all this is a story about your experience, not a demonstration of elevated perspective. Show your excellent perspective by writing less about your experience and more about the field itself. All aspects of medicine are fascinating; you are tasked with the challenge of creating a piece of writing that reflects a keen appreciation for sonography in particular. What makes it meaningful? Impress the reader by imparting some insight, some wisdom.