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'track was for fun' - extraciricular essay



xpmichy 3 / 8  
Nov 4, 2012   #1
I don't run to be in the Olympics. I don't run to strive to be Usain bolt. I run for myself, for my teammates. I run to get that applause, to get that "good job" from Coach. Track became a part of me that made me want to spend my afterschool time not on the computer but outside on the fields.

It was during my junior year of high school that I had realized this. I remember joining the track team during middle school but it was merely for fun. The coach would pick the members who she thought ran well during the fitness gram. Then we would go once every two weeks to a match with the other surrounding Manhattan middle schools. We didn't have practices and on the day of the match, we would skip school. To me, track was for fun, not something to get worked up for. But high school was when I started viewing track in a different light.

"Run! Get a move on it Michelle. Keep those legs high up in the air! C'mon girls!" It's 5:30pm and we are still out in the yard, running around the field. It was probably our 20th time. While running, time seemed to never end, it felt as if I were constantly running and never stopped. Despite all this, I started to love track because it made me realize that I could do all these pushups and made me want to strive to get that faster time.

pls help me edit it. i know im rly bad at grammar so it would be nice if you could help!! im submitting this in 2 days! thanks c;

sailinalbion 1 / 2  
Nov 6, 2012   #2
xpmichy

Usain Bolt (capital B)

spend my after-school time not on the computer, but outside on the fields. (comma before but)

It's 5:30pm and we are still out in the yard, running around the field, It was probably our 20th time. (perhaps a comma before 'it was propably our 20th time')

To me, track was for fun, not something to get worked up for, but high school was when I started viewing track in a different light. (comma before 'but high school')

Despite all this, I started to love track because it made me realize that I could perform all those push ups and made me want to strive to attain that faster time. (I changed some of the words but it could be improved on, as it seems too wordy)

Depending on who you send this essay to, it might be a good idea to omit the part where you say that you 'skipped school'.

Well I hope this advice helps you. Good Luck :)


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