UF prompt: In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
I started playing music when I was in the eighth grade. Eventually, I began to improvise with my neighborhood friends. This led to starting a band, which meant writing songs, practicing, recording, and finally booking our first show. Since then, I have been in several bands and have organized several gigs at a menagerie of locations such as houses, bars, backyards, farms, record stores, and much more. The reason that I performed in such an eclectic collection of places is because in South Florida, there aren't many places for local bands to play. But this did not stop me from booking shows. I started looking at other options, some of the times not-so-conventional ones. I was resourceful.
On August 2010, I decided to organize a show different than previous ones. I already had a place in mind but the management was on hiatus. I had announced that the show would occur in September, so I was not going to let myself cancel it. I was focused on making it happen. I began making calls to friends, asking if they knew of anywhere where it would be possible to have a show. I must have made hundreds and hundreds of calls. The location problem could have been solved by calling one of the usual venues, but then the show would have been the same as all the others. I was going to stick by my conviction to make this show different. I was determined and was not going to give up.
While searching, a friend suggested to look into karate places. It was the perfect idea...it was different. I began to call karate dojos, albeit, with no success. But I kept on calling. After a dozen plus attempts, I found myself talking to Master Patton. He liked my idea about a show and we made a deal. But the work did not end there. Fliers still had to be put up, someone had to take money at the door, and a sound system had to be set up.
Just when these tasks were finished, the guitarist from the headlining band called three days before the show to inform me their band had fought and wouldn't be able to perform. I convinced him to do an acoustic set and managed to keep the headlining band in the show. Finally, on September 17th 2010, the bands played and it was one of the funnest shows I have ever been to. Despite the obstacles that stood in my way, I made it happen.
What I gained from this experience was confidence in my abilities to solve unexpected problems efficiently, to handle multiple responsibilities simultaneously, to focus on specific goals, and to be able to achieve those goals. I am certain that with these traits, I can be a valuable asset to the University of Florida. With these traits I will be able to succeed in my academic endeavors, and in doing so, I will add a valuable contribution to the UF community.
Eventually when? You make no clear indication of the year you took up being in a band.
In the second paragraph, didn't you mention you were already booking shows? Maybe try "Although I knew I wanted a show, I also knew I wanted to do something different." or something similar.
I must have made what felt like hundreds and hundreds of calls.
In can be inferred that it would be a hyperbole if you eliminate "what felt like."
Of course, the problem could have been easily solved by just calling the usual venues and the issue would have been resolved there and then. But I had resolved to make this show different so I was not going to take the easy way out. I was not going to give up.
How would going about the "usual venues" make the show itself any different? Maybe clarify a bit more here. Describe maybe how you wanted a specific place that had a different setting from the commonplace performances (which would lead into your next paragraph smoothly).
The headlining band was on the verge of not even showing up.
How so? Explain why the band was not going to show up. Explain how you solved this problem. You jump from major problems to instantly solved. How YOU solved the problem is an integral part of YOU.
Maybe instead of a direct statement at the end, state how you would bring this attribute of yours would bring something special to the UF campus and student body.
I started playing music when I was in the eighth grade.
I think this sentence is not important or interesting enough to occupy this space at the front of the essay. Why not revise it so that it is filled with interesting meaning? Start with a bang.
Oh, but I see that the way you develop that first paragraph is excellent... nicely written!
When you get here, it is good to use a comma:
I already had a place in mind, but the management was on hiatus.-----use a comma for a compound sentence... right before the conjunction.
funnest... I think this is actually a real word, but some people may think it is a childish mistake. You should change it, because even though I am pretty sure it is not incorrect, most people would scoff at it. :-)
