Hello guys!
I am writing my essays for transferring. I read this essay over and over again, and It seems to be missing something. I just cannot find the final ingredient.
Any feedback will be much appreciated.
BEN FRANKLIN ONCE SAID, "ALL MANKIND IS DIVIDED INTO THREE CLASSES: THOSE THAT ARE IMMOVABLE, THOSE THAT ARE MOVABLE, AND THOSE THAT MOVE." WHICH ARE YOU?
Life has cultivated a keen versatility that not only molded me into an adaptive person, but also a multi-dimensional one. Although my essence is to be an individual who is constantly "on the move," there are impasses where remaining steadfast and immovable is preferable or demonstrating flexibility and being movable is sometimes the optimal disposition. Indeed, my tapestry of life experiences - from the premature death of my father while a child, to my status as the first member of my family to attend college - highlights that being adaptive is the intelligent path to follow, making me an individual who encompasses the three classes articulated by Benjamin Franklin.
Growing up as child of immigrants can be a moving experience. This is particularly true if one hails from a developing and economically unstable country - like my native Nicaragua - that pushed me toward The United States. My family remained in Nicaragua, and I migrated to the US in order to attain my educational goals and inspire my sisters to follow in my footsteps. It was a difficult transition, yet I promised my mother that her sacrifice would not be in vain. I began my studies at community college, and excelled academically en route to my coveted destination of earning admission and a scholarship to a world-class University, such as Penn. My family remained in Nicaragua, and I started a solitary life in the metropolitan Washington, DC area far from my loved ones. I live in a basic basement apartment, made a handful of friends at school, and independently tend to my needs. It was a difficult move, but one that had to be done to achieve my academic goals.
My desire to be the first person in my family to attend college fueled me to be perpetually on the move. The goal was a lofty one, particularly after my father passed away, but I persevered. My mother inspired me, but her lack of education preempted her from giving me practical guidance or tutoring. I was on my own and studied arduously toward my goal. I never stood still, running to and from class or the library, reading a book during my leisure time, or surfing the Internet researching college admissions' tips and strategies. I was constantly on the move, and indeed, adopted this proactive spirit as the essential fuel I needed to become the first Amador to not only attend college but also earn a degree. Attending the University of Pennsylvania, a world-renowned institution, will confirm that my drive forward and constant motion were not in vain.
I strive to be like Benjamin Franklin, a Renaissance man whose achievements propelled him into an American icon. Although neither White, Anglo-Saxon, nor Protestant, I represent a new brand of America - multi-lingual, ambitious, and diverse. While I share little with Benjamin Franklin in terms of appearance, I firmly believe that I share his multi-dimensionality, as an individual who can be immovable, movable, and on the move - all in one.
I am writing my essays for transferring. I read this essay over and over again, and It seems to be missing something. I just cannot find the final ingredient.
Any feedback will be much appreciated.
BEN FRANKLIN ONCE SAID, "ALL MANKIND IS DIVIDED INTO THREE CLASSES: THOSE THAT ARE IMMOVABLE, THOSE THAT ARE MOVABLE, AND THOSE THAT MOVE." WHICH ARE YOU?
Life has cultivated a keen versatility that not only molded me into an adaptive person, but also a multi-dimensional one. Although my essence is to be an individual who is constantly "on the move," there are impasses where remaining steadfast and immovable is preferable or demonstrating flexibility and being movable is sometimes the optimal disposition. Indeed, my tapestry of life experiences - from the premature death of my father while a child, to my status as the first member of my family to attend college - highlights that being adaptive is the intelligent path to follow, making me an individual who encompasses the three classes articulated by Benjamin Franklin.
Growing up as child of immigrants can be a moving experience. This is particularly true if one hails from a developing and economically unstable country - like my native Nicaragua - that pushed me toward The United States. My family remained in Nicaragua, and I migrated to the US in order to attain my educational goals and inspire my sisters to follow in my footsteps. It was a difficult transition, yet I promised my mother that her sacrifice would not be in vain. I began my studies at community college, and excelled academically en route to my coveted destination of earning admission and a scholarship to a world-class University, such as Penn. My family remained in Nicaragua, and I started a solitary life in the metropolitan Washington, DC area far from my loved ones. I live in a basic basement apartment, made a handful of friends at school, and independently tend to my needs. It was a difficult move, but one that had to be done to achieve my academic goals.
My desire to be the first person in my family to attend college fueled me to be perpetually on the move. The goal was a lofty one, particularly after my father passed away, but I persevered. My mother inspired me, but her lack of education preempted her from giving me practical guidance or tutoring. I was on my own and studied arduously toward my goal. I never stood still, running to and from class or the library, reading a book during my leisure time, or surfing the Internet researching college admissions' tips and strategies. I was constantly on the move, and indeed, adopted this proactive spirit as the essential fuel I needed to become the first Amador to not only attend college but also earn a degree. Attending the University of Pennsylvania, a world-renowned institution, will confirm that my drive forward and constant motion were not in vain.
I strive to be like Benjamin Franklin, a Renaissance man whose achievements propelled him into an American icon. Although neither White, Anglo-Saxon, nor Protestant, I represent a new brand of America - multi-lingual, ambitious, and diverse. While I share little with Benjamin Franklin in terms of appearance, I firmly believe that I share his multi-dimensionality, as an individual who can be immovable, movable, and on the move - all in one.
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