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"My transformation" - accomplishments that have helped define you as a person



julien15 /  
Aug 11, 2009   #1
You have been suspended for writing a meaningless and futile message ("Nice topic") in other students' thread.

EF

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this is a partial draft of my essay...
is it okay?i need it tomorrow...haha

MY FOUR-YEAR TRANSFORMATION
All people started out from nothing...
I started out from nothing. From my innocent childhood years, I phased quickly into a totally grown-up teen. A lot of things have changed from me. As I step forward, I become more aware of my environment. And now, I'm on my way to the manhood years. I can't believe. It was just like yesterday, I've been playing hide and seek with my friends but now, I'm busy with my studies-and my future as well. I'm busy applying to colleges and universities and it's quite difficult, especially in choosing what you want to be in the next 10 years. And I'm having a hard time balancing these things and my academic works.

Speaking of applying, I remember the time when my parents told me that I'm pursuing my studies in Aquinas University of Legazpi Science High School. I was surprised after hearing that certain name of a school. That time, I don't have any idea about Aquinas, and I don't even know that Aquinas University has a high school department. I asked them why and they replied "It is for your future. But be sure that you'll be studying there diligently." They wanted me to have a good foundation of education. They didn't want me to be in a public school forever. I thought of it first but later, I accepted want they want for me because it was a great opportunity for me.

I entered Science High School with nothing but the knowledge and talent that I got from my grade school years. I used them as my shoulders because I felt ignorant and a moronic person during the very first day of our classes. I was scared and alone. It was quite hard for me to adjust to the new environment, new culture, and to the new types of people around me. I felt like I'm tied on the place where I'm standing and I couldn't untie it. But I didn't give up. I fought back to release myself from the stupidity and loneliness I felt. As I walked by the dark alley, I met someone who will be joining me in my quests. We became friends and we established a book of friendship-a book which couldn't be read by anyone.

As the months flew by, I stared to notice that I'm adjusting and recognizing myself. People started to acknowledge both of us. We had our adventures in the campus. Then all of sudden, I became one of the campus' topics. My name became popular to them and this changed me a lot. It helped me to adjust more in life and helped me redefine my personality-but I asked myself, did it do me any good? I sometimes compared myself as a little caterpillar turned into a magnificent butterfly. But I asked myself, "Is my adjustment a magnificent one?" I became foolish and because of it, my friend was left behind. She turned back on me and left me behind. The book of our friendship was closed and locked inside a box forever. The box was covered by a powerful charm and even if I tried to open it-I just can't. We had our own way then. It was sad but we cannot blame ourselves. I stopped socializing with others first. Instead, I focused on my studies. I gained my knowledge. I learned to control my instinct and how to use it wisely. I refilled those tears which were lost. I didn't let my stupidity crash me down again. I started to join in clubs and organizations in our school and I became an active member of these. I waited for the right time and I opened myself again and I started socializing with others again. I began having friends again. I felt like my soul's been lifted up in the air.

All of my works and pains were worth it by the end of the school year. I was awarded a merit of excellence and congratulated by the faculty of our school. It was a great achievement for me and for my parents. I have proved to myself and to anyone that it's not important where you came from. Your origin doesn't affect where you are going. All you need to do is listen to the music of your heart and be strong. This helped me a lot to change and fix again everything. And as for me and my friend, we are still talking but not as openly as we did before. We already have our own groups and I'm not expecting that our box will reopen again.

I didn't expect myself as I'm in the sophomore level. A lot of things changed within me. It was miserable and more complicated way. I made new friends because I was separated to my older ones and I was deeply affected by peer pressure. I became a bit rebellious to my parents and I learned to say more nasty words which I didn't learned when I was a freshman. My studies got affected, too. I got lower grades than the usual. And before I know it, it was too late for me to change and I started to hate myself. For this year, I didn't get a merit award because of my wrongdoings and for everything I've done. I totally messed up my sophomore life with my totally different attitude and personality. I wanted to change it all over again but it was a long process to take.

EF_Simone 2 / 1974  
Aug 11, 2009   #2
As you said, "okay ...great...just improve it."

Not so helpful, huh?
Llamapoop123 7 / 433  
Aug 11, 2009   #3
Everything in your essay happens without explaination as to why it is important or how it effected you and why. What is the point of this essay.

You met your best friend in a dark alley. You proceeded to write a book with her. You suddenly became popular. You left your friend behind for god knows what. Then the "book of friendship" that we never cared about was closed.

You describe yourself as stupid and moronic no less than 3 times in this essay.

In the beginning you say your stupid. Then you become popular in the middle. Then you become stupid again.
Am I the only one who finds this pointless.

Good luck with a revision.


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