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Transition from Childhood: Mom and first generation college student



TechRinser 3 / 4  
Dec 17, 2016   #1
Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

"Can you take this outside?" - she asked in a sad tone. Disgusted and annoyed I ran out. After a while, my sister came and helped mother.

My mom vividly recalled the incident. Despite not knowing why I acted like that, I remember that very loosely.

She was in bed for more than 3 months after her backbone fractured. At the age of 9, I learned how to cook, wash clothes and take care of my little sister and mom at the same time. After my mom was okay, I rarely had to do the work all by myself. I just occasionally helped her on kitchen.

Fast forward, aged 18 I left my home to go to Kathmandu. An IT company in Kathmandu had offered me a job as lead developer role after looking at my portfolios. It was my first real job after failing to run a successful business in my hometown. I had juggled through my high school studies and running a small business which impacted my studies as well.

It was the first time I was living alone. I had to cook my own food, clean dishes and wash clothes all my myself. Initially, it was fun. I had this sense of freedom I always wanted to have. As the time passed, I lost the count of nights I spent without proper food because I was too lazy and tired to do anything.

3 months later, I went back home for Dashain, the biggest festival of Nepal. Full of compassion and grateful for her work, I bought her a novel she wanted to read. Little did I know, this small vacation would help me know her better and teach me a valuable lesson.

She was having back pain and there was no one to help her in household works. This was the time I worked all day long to maintain the household. I found out how my mother who had just passed 10th grade was running economics of house so perfectly. Except nasty stares from some distant relatives, there was nothing much to worry about. Despite endless works, I didn't complain anything to mom. Instead, I was feeling happy for doing something that is directly helping her.

One night, we were talking casually when she brought up her story about college. "I cried asking my parents not to marry me this early. I was just 19 and I wanted to complete my studies.", on the verge of tears she explained how she was agreed after knowing her parents financial condition. Then I remembered how excited she was after she had completed her 11th grade finals even though she couldn't even appear for 12th board examination due to family problems. She had talked about her college aspirations earlier but she had never became such emotional.

For me being adult was always about crossing a certain age to enjoy drinking legally or not lying to porn websites about my age. But that day I realized it was more about understanding people; gaining trust from others and putting others happiness before yours. That day she didn't ask me to pick particular subject or complained about taking a gap year.She knew I understood what she needs to say without saying any other word.

nandasharma 14 / 36  
Dec 17, 2016   #2
@TechRinser
Raajev, the prompt vividly states "that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family." . I feel like there is an excessive and unnecessary description of your mother's struggles than your own. I would suggest you to focus more on your own struggles through your student life.

Best.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15385  
Dec 17, 2016   #3
Rajeeb, you need to find a more focused way of telling your transition story. You need to pick out the story that most reflects the addition of adult responsibilities on your shoulders during a time in your life when you were still most considered a child. The narrative that you are presenting is confusing as it seems you transitioned 3 times within the essay. That is not how this essay is to be approached. What the reviewer needs to know from you is how your culture or tradition initiates you into adulthood. In some cultures, this includes a child's first animal hunting kill (for men) or a house care taking duty (for women). This must be an event that provides an acknowledgement of your transition by the older people in your culture.

By the way, you have to present only your voice in this essay. Remove all references to your mother's story because her story is not the focal point of your essay. In fact, she has nothing to do with it unless you count the time when you took care of her. Think about a time when your parents left you in charge of something important and you did it well enough for them to trust you with more responsibilities. That is when you will have written a proper response to the essay prompt.


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