Traumatized - Writing review and improvisations that can be done

1.Provide to the Admission Committee any relevant additional information

(not already detailed in the rest of your application)

Ans: . Success is not final, Failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts. I would like to share an experience which I had in my first semester of my college life. Being new to college, I was extra cautious about the rules and regulations to be followed. I used to double check and sometimes triple check everything before going to attend the examinations. I had borrowed one of my friend's calculator for an examination as I had lost mine. I did not check anything about the calculator and went straight for the examination. Halfway through the exam, the special invigilators had visited our classroom to check whether the students indulged in any kind of malpractice. One of the invigilators was checking things, they found that something was scribbled on the back of the calculator. I did not notice it until it was pointed out. I was immediately placed under the act of malpractice and was asked to stand outside the classroom. I was so devastated about what had happened to me and kept pleading with the authorities that I had no knowledge of the scribbling on the calculator and I was innocent. The invigilators paid no heed to my plea, cancelled all my examinations and asked me to appear before the committee on a fixed date for my hearing. I explained the entire incident to the committee and also my professor came in to support my statement. After the hearing, I was completely shocked to find that my appeal was not considered and that I was found guilty of the crime I did. All my examinations of the first semester were cancelled and were considered as backlogs.

I was traumatized by the things that had happened to me. I sometimes thought that ending my life would be for the better rather than facing these situations. But due to the motivation and guidance from my parents, professors and close friends, I was determined to prove myself to the college about how wrong they were about me. I had close to 15 theoretical exams and 7 practical exams when I was in my second semester and it was two exams per day. Every day was a struggle as I had to study and remember 2 subjects for the exams. Through sheer efforts and confidence, I was able to clear 13 theoretical exams and 7 practical exams and advanced to the second year of my college life.

This experience taught a very important lesson to me where I learnt never to give up whatever may be the circumstances or the pressure upon me, but through determination and hard work, one can always achieve what they have set their mind upon. This incident is also one of the many reasons why my college GPA is very low.

@smuthu21
Hey, welcome to the forum! I hope my feedback gives you an idea on how to improve your writing. Don't hesitate to approach us should you have any more additional information that you wish to tell!

First and foremost, while I appreciate the creativity in the first parts of the writing, I think that you could have improved this part if you properly created a more specific and detailed account of your application. I have noticed that this is supposed to be a paper to convince the committee that you deserve a spot in their place. Generally speaking, these types of essays should contain more practical and specific information about you as an application, not merely just a story-time on an event that you think would have helped you.

Furthermore, try to sandwich information that you are sharing to the readers. For instance, don't just jump straight-up and mention that your GPA is low. Instead, try to reclaim the phrasing in a way that won't degrade you as an application. If you really want to mention that your GPA is low, then mention it before the part where you start talking about your personal motivation to succeed.