Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3

Travelling alone gave me the opportunity to explore the world in different aspects; UW-Madison essay


anna60564 1 / 1 1  
Sep 6, 2014   #1
Hello! I am applying to UW Madison and my prompt was "Consider something in your life you think goes unnoticed and write about why it's important to you." It is to be between 300 and 500 words. Corrections and comments will be appreciated!! Here is my essay:

Ever since I was a child, my parents love traveling with me. At those ages, I would define traveling as a way to have fun and enjoy a holiday. As I grow up and became a teenager, I began to travel alone. While traveling with family, friends or a significant other can be a lot of fun, traveling solo gave me an opportunity to learn a new definition for traveling.

When I am on my own in the journey, I became eager to meet new people and make new friends. Through talking to other travelers and locals, I learnt about different cultures which amazed me with their uniqueness. In countries like Germany and Switzerland, I really like their lifestyle and how they balance their daily lives. During weekdays, they would work hard to finish their work and during weekends, they would have activities, such as hiking or family gathering to relax themselves after a busy week. In countries like China and Japan, I admire their efficiency in work. After experiencing different cultures, I would try to learn the good perspectives of it and apply them to improve myself. Sometimes, it may be very different from my own cultures, but I am open to change.

Another big influence to me was to challenge my fears. Without my parents beside me, I needed to be independent and self-reliant. When I traveled alone in a place that I was unfamiliar with, I was terrified by the unknown. Therefore, I learnt that I must read and do research before I travel which made me understand that being well-prepared is really important. Moreover, I must be brave to start a conversation with strangers that may not share the same language as me in order to seek help. Now, I've developed a new interest, to learn different language.

Traveling solo may seem lonely and frightening to others, but if I have not taken that step, I would never get to know the strong, adventurous and courageous side of me. Travelling alone gave me the opportunity to explore the world in different aspects, understand different cultures, challenge and overcome my own fears. It is more than just a regular vacation, it is an adventure.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 6, 2014   #2
This is a good essay. You responded in great detail to the prompt and showed a side of you that would not be seen or talked about in the personal statement or statement of purpose. However, you have some grammatical errors in the papers which are mostly related to your tense usage. You need to speak about everything that you did in past tense because you have already done the activities and learned about the cultures in the past. I have also noted some other corrections and suggestions for you:

Ever since I was a child, my parents love traveling with me. At those ages, I would define traveling as a way to have fun and enjoy a holiday. As I grow up and became a teenager, I began to travel alone. While traveling with family, friends or a significant other can be a lot of fun, traveling solo gave me an opportunity to learn a new definition for traveling.

- You could restate this statement more clearly this way: My parents loved traveling with me from an early age. It was because of my early travels with them that I learned about travel in a fun and enjoyable way. I continued to travel into my adulthood, sans my parents. While I continued to travel with other family members, friends, and loved ones, I associated a new meaning with travel, that of learning.

When I am on my own in the journey, I became eager to meet new people and make new friends

- When I travel alone, I am always eager to meet and make friends with new people.

Through talking to other travelers and locals, I learnt about different cultures which amazed me with their uniqueness.

- By traveling and dealing with the locals, I learned unique things about the culture of the people in the country I visited.

In countries like Germany and Switzerland, I really like their lifestyle and how they balance their daily lives. During weekdays, they would work hard to finish their work and during weekends, they would have activities, such as hiking or family gathering to relax themselves after a busy week. In countries like China and Japan, I admire their efficiency in work. After experiencing different cultures, I would try to learn the good perspectives of it and apply them to improve myself. Sometimes, it may be very different from my own cultures, but I am open to change.

- I enjoyed visiting Germany and Switzerland because I learned how to balance work and play from their people. These people work hard all week and enjoy the weekends through different activities such as hiking and having simple family gatherings where everyone can relax after a long week of work. In China and Japan, I learned about work efficiency. My exposure to these various cultures gave me deeper insights and perspectives into our world and how the culture and tradition of a nation helps to develop a person. These visits taught me that I need to be open to and accepting of change in order to blend well with the local culture.

Another big influence to me was to challenge my fears. Without my parents beside me, I needed to be independent and self-reliant. When I traveled alone in a place that I was unfamiliar with, I was terrified by the unknown. Therefore, I learnt that I must read and do research before I travel which made me understand that being well-prepared is really important. Moreover, I must be brave to start a conversation with strangers that may not share the same language as me in order to seek help. Now, I've developed a new interest, to learn different language

- Traveling alone made me face my fears. I became independent and self - reliant even in placed where I was unfamiliar with the culture and did not know anybody. I learned how to do research prior to my travel in a foreign land in order to ensure my safety and enjoyment. I had to better prepare for travel by learning important phrases in foreign tongues and I learned how to deal with the people I would be coming across by learning a little about their culture beforehand.

Traveling solo may seem lonely and frightening to others, but if I have not taken that step, I would never get to know the strong, adventurous and courageous side of me. Traveling alone gave me the opportunity to explore the world in different aspects, understand different cultures, challenge and overcome my own fears. It is more than just a regular vacation, it is an adventure.

- While I used to fear traveling alone like the others, I no longer do so. Traveling helped me develop a stronger personality, a sense of adventure, and courage to face the unknown. Traveling alone has allowed me to explore the world, understand different cultures, and overcome challenges or fears. Travel now means more to me than just a regular vacation, it means taking a learning adventure about life.

I noted my suggestions in green because I felt that your essay could have been better worded and edited instead of simply correcting your grammatical errors. I hope you will agree that the essay flows and reads better this way :-)
OP anna60564 1 / 1 1  
Sep 6, 2014   #3
Thank you very much! I was really worried about my grammar mistake also! I really appreciate your help!


Home / Undergraduate / Travelling alone gave me the opportunity to explore the world in different aspects; UW-Madison essay