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IELTS: Trend of living individually. Why? And its effect on society.


zzwestmanzz 3 / 4 1  
Oct 8, 2014   #1
In some countries, the number of people choosing to live by themselves is increasing rapidly in recent years. Why is this the case? Is this a positive and negative development for society?

Recent years have witnessed a tremendous increase in the number of people who want to spend their life alone. Since numerous of them, especially young aged, have a tendency to avoid starting a family, the negative effect of this case should be intensively consider.

Many people stand for a belief that the trend of living individually is a consequence of several objective reasons which related to booming economy or immoral perception. Apparently, working in such strained working environments where tasks and deadlines are crucial than anything, accidentally become a barrier that prevent people from enjoying social activities. To be more specific, they are now busier than before and thus difficult to find a partner. Moreover, in many Eastern cultures where the perception of male-dominated is still exist, the proportion between male and female become seriously unbalanced, meaning that a man obviously have little chance to find his fiancée. Take Vietnam as an example, sex ratio is 126 men compares to 100 of their counterparts, which interprets that one out of five men in marriageable age will have no opportunities to marry.

On the other hand, I am of the opinion that the trend undoubtedly causes negative effect to modern society. Firstly, because of many people living in a single life, the level of social relationship will gradually decrease. Indeed, the period of time spending for social activities is usually replaced by the time in workplace, therefore, people will find extremely hard to interact even with their neighbors. Secondly, it is undeniable that if numerous of people decide to live by themselves, the population will inevitably be reduced. As a result, the national economy will be affected noticeably due to the shortage of people in labor age.

In conclusion, while there are certainly arguments to be made for this issue, I strongly believe that the downside effect of the trend is outweigh its benefits.

Pls help me find grammatical problems. And if you think my ideas are inappropriate or off topic, pls let me know. Thank you guys.
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Oct 8, 2014   #2
should be intensively considered

Many people stand for a belief that the trend of living individually is a consequence of several objective reasons which related to booming economy or immoral perception

Many people cite the booming economy or immoral perception as the reason for the trend of living individually.

more crucial than anything

or "are given more priority". The comma after "anything" should be omitted.

accidentally becomes a barrier that prevents people from

is still exists

the proportion between male and female

sex ratio

126 men compares to 100 of their counterparts

126 men to 100 women

On the other hand

This phrase is not appropriate here.

the period of time spending spent for social activities

, therefore, people will find extremely hard to interact even with their neighbors

This could form a new sentence.
I think you should shorten some of your sentences. Your vocabulary is great, but lengthy sentences full of big words may make readers feel tired at times.

Hope this helps!
SAM2014 8 / 13 3  
Oct 9, 2014   #3
Moreover, in many Eastern cultures where the perception of male-dominated is still exist, the proportion between male and female become seriously unbalanced, meaning that a man obviously have little chance to find his fiancée.

I think it is inappropriate to say "little chance", which means "almost no chance".

In conclusion, while there are certainly arguments to be made for this issue, I strongly believe that the downside effect of the trend is outweigh its benefits.

should be "outweighs"
OP zzwestmanzz 3 / 4 1  
Oct 9, 2014   #4
Thank you guys. I really appreciate that.
I'll be more careful about grammatical issues.


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