I would like some advice on my essay to the University of Florida. The topic is:
Please write a consice narrative in which you describe a meanigful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contributionto the UF campus community
My Essay:
July 7th, 2010 will be a day I never forget. It was happiest day of my life, the day that I moved in with my father and stepmother and away from an emotionally abusive mother. I was one of the happiest kids alive in that moment, and although there was a part of me that was sad from being separated from my birth mother I was glad I could be in a happy home. After, the decision was made and the paper work was done I felt so safe in my dads arms. I knew I would be able to get a fresh start not only in academics but also in life. Nobody had any preconceptions of me. The most memorable moment of all was when I my dad asked me "are you sure" and I responded immediately "yes".
From that moment on I tried my hardest at everything life threw at me and I made a motto for myself: "never give up". I not only did better in school but excelled past even what I thought I was capable of. I believe I would be a great asset to the University of Florida Community. I am a hard working, motivated person who still has the "never give up" attitude. For example when AP testing came around for my AP U.S. History class I was up every night till one or two in the morning. Every time I felt like falling over or giving up and going to bed I would remind my self "never give up" knowing that I could make it through. I think I would be a great asset to the University of Florida because I am the kind of person who encourages others around me to step up to my level, to "never give up", and I enjoyed being challenged to step up in the same way. I want the University of Florida to be proud to have me as student and to know that if they bring me to their school I will not only excel as an individual but I will also bring up the people around me.
Im not sure how to end it. I would be glad for any advice or help. thanks!
Please write a consice narrative in which you describe a meanigful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contributionto the UF campus community
My Essay:
July 7th, 2010 will be a day I never forget. It was happiest day of my life, the day that I moved in with my father and stepmother and away from an emotionally abusive mother. I was one of the happiest kids alive in that moment, and although there was a part of me that was sad from being separated from my birth mother I was glad I could be in a happy home. After, the decision was made and the paper work was done I felt so safe in my dads arms. I knew I would be able to get a fresh start not only in academics but also in life. Nobody had any preconceptions of me. The most memorable moment of all was when I my dad asked me "are you sure" and I responded immediately "yes".
From that moment on I tried my hardest at everything life threw at me and I made a motto for myself: "never give up". I not only did better in school but excelled past even what I thought I was capable of. I believe I would be a great asset to the University of Florida Community. I am a hard working, motivated person who still has the "never give up" attitude. For example when AP testing came around for my AP U.S. History class I was up every night till one or two in the morning. Every time I felt like falling over or giving up and going to bed I would remind my self "never give up" knowing that I could make it through. I think I would be a great asset to the University of Florida because I am the kind of person who encourages others around me to step up to my level, to "never give up", and I enjoyed being challenged to step up in the same way. I want the University of Florida to be proud to have me as student and to know that if they bring me to their school I will not only excel as an individual but I will also bring up the people around me.
Im not sure how to end it. I would be glad for any advice or help. thanks!
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