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Tropical Humid to Cold foggy area- UC Personal statement Prompt#2



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Nov 28, 2013   #1
Living in a very joyful and supportive family and community, these changes quite a bit when I came here in the America. As cold as I step at the airport, my life has been changing like a weather of tropical humid to a cold foggy area. I am delighted to be with my family yet there are hardships and confusion situation I have been facing and internalized that is making me more of a strong woman, helping improve my personality to be a better person with dreams and aspiration. Given that I experience living in two different place, gave me convenience to adapt to my surroundings quickly. Now, living in an unfamiliar city of San Francisco does not hinder my aspiration instead this feeling of alienation motivates me to be a more tenacious person. I felt more awareness to my surroundings and change my companionship to people. Community difference did not prevent me from my dreams instead these new experiences improves myself excelling.

From a school with a supporting and bestowing charm, have given me a positive action throughout my life as a person, who is willing to give and share her blessings to the community. Giving donations and relief goods to people in my elementary years are the most desirous and enchanted actions I have done in my life. These actions have impacted me to live my life to be humble and giving to everyone else. Seeing people with their smile and happiness gave me the desire to keep their smile seen more, through this I have been wanting to become a dentist when I was a kid. Because of my desire and passion to help people to be emotionally happy by making their smile, with most affection and delight in their whole life has shapes me of my endeavor. These experiences made me realize the importance of life to be giving not just your family specifically but also to the whole community, who has inspired me to strive of being successful.

From a young girl to becoming an adult, then to cultural shock when I came here in America long ago from a rural village of the Philippines. I was taught and have experience the importance of life. Life is hard that is the reality! Through my experiences, I learned that I need strive to be successful in life with the support of my family, relatives, friends and the community that I can one day get through this hard life and share the success, love and knowledge to my family, relatives, friends and the community, helping people that there are ways to get through this hardship that we should always be positive and smile. I have faced hardships and challenges, that put me through critical and confusion situation but I gained more strength and awareness through those experiences, living my life soaring to reach my dreams and expectations.

serdarovez 10 / 32  
Dec 2, 2013   #2
really nice essay.
Good hook, and i enjoyed reading it, i believe admission stuff will like it also. it feels like a reading a novel.
what is the word limit? 500 ?
and the beginning of the 3rd paragraph you should change it little bit since it feels like reading same stuff i have already read in first one. try using different words maybe...

Good luck with your application. :)


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