Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I'm having trouble figuring out how this has shaped my dreams. Is this an okay topic to use for this prompt or should I pick something else? Any feedback is appreciated
Thanks :)
I come from a supportive world. With any decisions I make, my parents give me guidance and have faith in me no matter what. They have always shown their love and pushed me to do my best. The advice I have received from them about everything will stick with me forever.
As a child, my parents were sheltering and tried their best to keep me away from all the horrible things in the world. Growing up, my family struggled with money. I can not think of a time when my dad has not worked at least two jobs. My parents chose not to let me know the hardships we were experiencing but rather kept me in high spirits. By doing this I was not exposed to adult problems as a child. They were always careful what they said around me. By no means do I feel deprived because my family did not have money when I was little. My parents still were loving, caring, and always there for me, just like they still are.
i think you can definitely improve on this. if i were writing this i would break the question down first answer them then put it all together. im going to use myself as an example and hopefully it'll help.
okay so what am i going to talk about ... my family
okay so i personally am of mixed origins and am raised in an extremely mixed environment (explain it in full, eg. went to an international school, where my parents are from etc.)
okay so how does this shape me dreams and aspirations??
because im of such a mixed environment i have a passion for culture, i love to travel im interested in how we as a society function, even if at times we don't share the same beliefs etc and SO i have grown a love for language, im trilingual now, i have a passion for communication studies (wht i want to major in), and i traveled the world... do you see where im going?
you need to show them that this is who iam, as well as this is what makes you different and why they should pick U and not the other guy
hope this helps, good luck.
I agree; you've got a great idea, but it could use some structural reorganization. I agree with the "break 'em apart and then put 'em back together" method; it will help you answer both pieces thoroughly and you won't have to worry about transitions until you put them together into one piece.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
ok i've added this paragraph to the end... but it is still really incomplete and i am stuck :(
What my parents have taught me, support, guidance, faith and sheltering, will not be held back by any external force. I have learned values which shape my dreams and will help me to stick to them. For example, I now know that happiness does not come from money. I am looking forward to one day having my own family and understand that love and care can never be purchased. A family needs support to stick together. My dreams and aspirations have never been compromised because of my values.
What my parents have taught me--support, guidance, faith and sheltering--will not be held back by any external force.
I think this is how you correct that sentence.
k heres the latest draft
thanks for your comments !
I come from a supportive world. With any decisions I make, my parents give me guidance and have faith in me no matter what. They have always shown their love and pushed me to do my best. The advice I have received from them about everything will stick with me forever.
As a child, my parents were sheltering and tried their best to keep me away from all the horrible things in the world. Growing up, my family struggled with money. I can not think of a time when my dad has not worked at least two jobs. My parents chose not to let me know the hardships we were experiencing but rather kept me in high spirits. By doing this I was not exposed to adult problems as a child. They were always careful what they said around me. By no means do I feel deprived because my family did not have money when I was little. My parents still were loving, caring, and always there for me, just like they still are.
What my parents have taught me- faith, guidance, and support - will not be held back by any external force. I have learned values which shape my dreams and will help me to stick to them. For example, I now know that happiness does not come from money. I am looking forward to one day having my own family and understand that love and care can never be purchased. A family needs support to stick together. My dreams and aspirations have never been compromised because of my values.
As I begin my journey into my career, these great values are sure to keep me on the right track. My belief in myself to fulfill my aspirations will definitely add to my determination. The guidance from my faith will keep me on the correct path. With support from my family and friends, any doubts I come across can be turned around. With all the love around me and my heart set to accomplish my dreams, I will succeed.
Good evening :)
Excellent changes! I think this is ready to submit; I wouldn't change anything. I think you acknowledge all of the facets of the prompt, it is well organized, and it flows nicely. Great work!
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
