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The true and harsh reality is most students want immediate success without the necessary effort.

chemEngineer 1 / -  
Nov 17, 2014   #1
just a rough draft of my penn state personal statement. Let me know what needs to be changed or added. would like to get this submitted this week. Thanks

The true and harsh reality is most students want immediate success without the necessary effort. With that said, the beginning of my senior year so far has been a juggling act to say the least. Between enjoying my personal interests, focusing on my strenuous high school classes, being enrolled in an emerging engineering program, as well as spending hours typing college essays, it has been a difficult balance for sure. I think much differently than most students however, in the fact that I am willing to work for my desired results. I enjoy the feeling of reaching my goals as well as overcoming critical obstacles along the way.

In order for me to be successful at Penn State University, I understand the importance of a dedicated and diligent work ethic. Majoring in the field of chemical engineering I am prepared for an arduous amount of work. I accept and am looking forward to the challenge that awaits me. I believe I am prepared for the next step in my life. That being, the transition from high school into college. I am anxious to begin this new stage, which marks an increase in responsibility. I am prepared to be focused, determined, and motivated. With those three characteristics I believe I will be able to persevere until I reach my goals. These same characteristics have successfully led me through high school. Even throughout my high school career I have been sure to give everything I attempt my full effort. This is the reason my high school record accurately describes my ability and potential in college. Even though I enjoy my hobbies outside of school, I always have my educational responsibilities as my first priority. I understand the temptation other students may have, but I refuse to let myself become distracted from what I know will really matter one day. I know my dedication will pay off in the future. The same dedication that I have withheld for the previous four years. More importantly, the dedication that I know will successfully carry me through the next four years of post- secondary education.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 17, 2014   #2
Patrick, does the personal statement has a specific prompt that you are trying to address with this essay? You seem to be taking the personal statement in many directions all at once, causing it to have a transition problem in terms of paragraph structure. It is also quite short for a personal statement. The ideas that you present are just that, presented, but not discussed thoroughly. Which makes the essay seem less informative than it should be. Changes should be made to reflect a more specific direction for your personal statement and also to allow you the opportunity to better develop the content of the essay. Remember, it is better to discuss only one or two ideas in an essay than to try to discuss all of your sentiments all at once, thus leaving the admissions officer wondering as to where you really want to go with the essay. I hope you can revise this essay soon so that we can further work on the development of its content :-)

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