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A serious effort is the most important factor for a journey toward success


rxustrong 1 / 2  
Feb 8, 2017   #1
When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success. An toefl essay

Success = decent skills and determination + a bit of luck



I have to admit that luck is an important factor for the success of the successful man or celebrities. Lucky people can get the opportunity easily to show their talent or ability. These people are lucky dog. However no everyone has such good luck to get what they want. Such as some of them often encounter a plenty of difficulties and sometime become really frustrated.

As mentioned above, not everyone can has a chance to make their dream come true with ease. So strictly, I think hard work is the fundamental of the success. There were too many people who made their dream came true by the means of extremely hard work. Isaiah Thomas is a case in point. Isaiah Thomas was selected by Sacramento Kings with the final pick and he get few times to show his performance but he worked hard and trained hard so that he can be a start in each game. In sum effort are more important than you think, so if you got a dream, just strive and regardless of the talent or gift.

Though I mentioned that hard work is the necessary part of the final success even if we still can not ignore the luck factor. Luck can bring people the chance or opportunities and then people grasp it to exhibit their talent or show others what competence they have to finish the thing or job. For example, some read a plenty of books and can write an excellent article but no one offer him a platform to publish what he wrote. So everything he did in vain.

In a conclusion, both hard work and luck are quite important for people to success but seriously effort are the most important thing in a journey towards success.

Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Feb 8, 2017   #2
Jan, it is imperative that you provide us with a copy of the TOEFL essay prompt that you are responding to in order to get an accurate review and possible score for your essay. At the moment, the essay cannot be scored properly due to the lack of the prompt requirement. I am unable to get a final reading on your work because I do not know if you accurately represented the prompt requirement and used adequate examples in your work.

So far, the essay has a number of grammatical issues including the use of English idioms in the wrong manner. While "you lucky dog" is a friendly insult, it is still an insult to the person being addressed. Since you are writing an academic essay, try to not use idioms if you are not sure of the context of the word. You do not want to insult someone accidentally. The term that you used should only be used among the closest of friends, never in public, never in a strange setting, never to a stranger, and most specially, never in an academic paper.

Your set of examples seem to be accurate. How accurate a representation it is of the prompt requirement is another issue. So I will reserve further comments on your essay till such a time that you share the original prompt with us. I want to make sure that I give you the best possible review of your work in order to help you improve your writing skills.
OP rxustrong 1 / 2  
Feb 9, 2017   #3
@Holt
Thank you for your responding!! Here is the prompt requirement:
When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success." Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

SInce there is no more space in the title, I didn't post it. I'm sorry!
Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Feb 9, 2017   #4
Jan, you can always post the prompt requirement in the actual box along with the essay. It doesn't have to be in the title box. Place the prompt in the box before you post the essay. That way you have a title for your essay and the prompt provided at the same time. Based upon the discussion that you presented for the prompt, I can safely say that you did an adequate job of discussing the topic. Though you had some idiomatic problems and there are definite sentence structure errors, I believe that you will not score less than a 4 on this essay. With a little more practice, I do not doubt that you can score a 5 eventually for your future writing tests. You need to familiarize yourself with the proper use of idioms and also, learn to avoid redundancies in your presentation. Keep your discussion general in scope and try to avoid being specific like saying "successful man or celebrities", saying "a successful man is sufficient enough to prove your point.
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Feb 10, 2017   #5
Hello Jan Hsu, these are my thoughts about your writing. I hope you can review my notes for finalizing your writing.

In the first paragraph, I have found a large number of redundant sentences. Focus on your prompts and avoid including statements which you are not able to explain in the first paragraph. Like this

I have to admit that luck is an important factor for the success of the successful man or celebrities

Besides that, don't place the idiom in the formal writing. Unfortunately, your idiom was hardly linked to your statement. Following this, I have not found your position clearly in that matter. You have missed the crucial point in the indicator. Please, you create a thesis statement obviously in the next term.

Honestly, when I have read your body paragraph, I have not found answers entirely from the prompts given. After that, you stand out in the vague position in the conclusion. The question asks you to decide your opinion whether you agree or disagree with the statement. However, you have tended to explain which is more advantageous or more affected.

I believe you can master this if you wanna practice more. I suggest for the first step that you read many examples for recognizing the flow in the writing.

GOOD LUCK
foyuliu 5 / 20 9  
Feb 10, 2017   #6
I am also practicing writing. According to the lessons I learnt, it is better to stick with one side for topics like agree or disagree, instead of holding natural opinion. It does not matter the thesis is right or wrong, but decide your opinion whether you agree or disagree with the notion. Let's improve our writing by more practices :)
OP rxustrong 1 / 2  
Feb 10, 2017   #7
@Holt
Thank you for your advises and encouragement. Now I have a better cognize about my weakness on the writing. I don't know how to improve my writing skill since I am not a native speaker and my native language are totally different from english. That's also the reason that I can't pick up the idiomatic problems or grammar problems which in my articles. Can you give more advise on how to improve sentence-making competence?

@foyuliu
Thank you for your advises!! I'll take care of these problems.

@akbarmappiare
Thank you for your advises!! I'll firstly define my statement in the future writing.
Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Feb 10, 2017   #8
Jan, the best way to practice sentence formation is to read more English based material. I do not mean articles written in English by your countrymen. What I mean is, you actually need to read English newspapers written by native speakers. So for American newspapers online, I suggest that you read the New York Observer, Lifezette, Time Magazine, National Geographic, and other online newspapers or magazines.The ones I mentioned are published in the United States and can be easily found online. These should help you become more familiar with the American way of writing and should help you develop your sentence structure skills and also become more familiar with idioms. If you want to practice using idioms and you want to learn the meaning, you can do a simple search for "American idioms", the results will lead you to websites that explain the most common ones and should help you to better understand the meaning behind the idiom so that you can use the most common ones properly next time.


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