Tufts self identity - Ke$ha and Bushido!

So...this was by far the hardest essay I had to write. Still, I'm not sure if I got it quite right. Did I answer the prompt? I know I don't have to answer it EXACTLY, and that every applicant has a different take...but I hope I'm not too far off (;

Also, it's a bit long...280 words, "suggested limit" is 200. Trying to get it down to 250.

Self-identity and personal expression take many forms. For example, music, clothing, politics, extracurricular interests, and ethnicity can each be a defining attribute. Do you surf or tinker? Are you a vegetarian poet who loves Ayn Rand? Do you prefer YouTube or test tubes? Are you preppie or Goth? Use the richness of your life to give us insight: what voice will you add to the Class of 2014?

---If one were to sit outside my office window late at night, one might glimpse a rather strange sight. In her less inhibited moments, a girl bounces around in her chair, tosses her hair, and sings, "I'm talkin bout e'erbody getting crunk crunk," to Kes$ha's "TiK ToK." Once in a while, she throws in a few verses of Bushido's "Eure Kinder;" what she lacks in German rapping skills she makes up for in enthusiasm, denoted by pronounced hand gestures and intense nodding of the head.

---Is this a case of undiagnosed musical epilepsy? No; this is my personal geek-fest.
---On the surface, my love for the genre of rap and hip-hop doesn't quite complement my love for science. A rapping biologist, after all, is not the norm. As much as I love the genre for its high-energy spontaneity that science sometimes lacks, I cannot truthfully say that it is the reason rap and hip-hop appeal to me. It is science - after all - that draws me to the world of Ke$ha and Bushido: the science of language.

---Phonetics, the study of the sound of human speech Do I need to define this? , fascinates me. Listening to rap and hip-hop is like being drenched in a phonetics thunderstorm; streams of words flood my ears, enlivened by the unique pronunciations of each artist. Music videos, then, are a phonetics monsoon; I can sit for hours and analyze the position, shape, and movement of an artist's mouth.

---However, the fullest experience requires not only observation, but also participation. I swish my hair a la Ke$ha, throw up my hands a la Bushido, and form my tongue and lips into their words. This is my private dance party - my celebration of "geekiness."

You definitely dont need to define that...

I thought the description of the artists pronunciation and all was a little weird..but wait for someone else also to comment on this...but...why is ur immersion in hiphop and rap a 'geekiness?'...isnt it supposed to be realted to intellectuality,computers and that sort??

I know I didn't help much but I am also writing essays right now and am really bonkered out...will u read my personal essay and engineering supplement and give feedback about the idea and whether it provides any insight into me??

Hmm, the point I was trying to make was that I like the genre because the science of language fascinates me...which is rather geeky, in my opinion.

OOK...I get you now..never mind my earlier comment...i think your essay is fine..

I think this essay is really good. Also not many people would come up with such a response.

I like this. By specifically using Kesha and Bushido it shows signs of deep interest. My only suggestion maybe would be to put more value into what you would add to Tufts. Your a hip-hop loving geek, what would that do?

i think your trying too hard, it doesnt come off as natural language which is a no-no w/ adcoms. I think your intro is overdoing it also, this is too short of an essay for you to really make such an intro you can later make a reference to, your obviously a talented writer, but i know it sounds weird saying this, your trying too hard to stand out, to be unconventional. The question is rather light hearted, and your response is anything but in the beginning, you move a little towards this as the essay develop but the opening image doesnt send off a particuarly light hearted vibe at all.

Thanks for the in depth response. Can you point out some spots where it seems unnatural? I didn't use the thesaurus or anything at all...maybe it's just my writing style. Can you explain how my intro is not lightheared? I thought that dancing, lip syncing, and pretending to be a rapper would be the very definition of lighthearted. Hmm...as for the trying to hard to be unconventional part, I don't know what to say. I didn't just pull this out of thin air, I really do sit and stare at music videos and see how their mouth movement compares to the singing ><


Hmm good point. I was a bit stuck on how my voice would contribute to Tufts. I think I'll add something about how I can view things from different perspectives than the obvious one. Thanks!