The prompt was to write about a significant activity so i am writing about my horseback riding career. Please let me know what you think or if anything should be changed. Thanks!
Spider webs, a stench that sticks to your clothes and dirt that won't come out of your fingernails are qualities of my second home. Redhawk Stables is my haven and is also the location where my horse, Frenchie, resides. I have been horseback riding for twelve years now, and consider it more regular in my weekly schedule than sleeping. My skin bears memories of falls and bites in forms of bruises and scars, but with each accident Frenchie and I have learned a little more about each other. I received Frenchie as an early, surprise birthday gift when I was twelve. I'll never forget the day that i was handed the picture... the one depicting my arms loosely looped around Frenchie's neck, with a smile planted across my face, and the words, "You are now the proud owner of me!" inscribed on the back. My step-grandma, who was the consumer of this giant mammal, got Frenchie at the local racetrack, Thistledown. Ironically, she is the great granddaughter of the Kentucky Derby legend, Secretariat, and tends to sporadically show this side of her by galloping off around the arena. Despite the moments where she may show too much excitement, she is who i will always consider my best friend. Soaring over four foot jumps and giving Frenchie peppermints are memories that i hope will be reenacted in my life forever, but even if this is not the case, my love for Frenchie will never change.
who was the consumer of this giant mammal,
Nope. That's not going to work.
In fact, I have some serious reservations about the whole essay. It's clear that this really was a significant event in your life, but how does this touching anecdote show that you will be a good student who will contribute to the university? It's a question you might want to think about as you decide how you wish to revise the essay.
