From Turkey, complex life - Stanford-short essay

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your freshman year roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your roommate-and us-know you better.

Although I am applying from Turkey, my family who has Uighur and Uzbek roots immigrated to Turkey in 1997 from East Turkistan which is an autonomous region belonged to China. Due to some problems and events happened before; many Uighurs could not be friends with Chinese people. People were afraid of soldiers and we were told not to talk to Chinese people. Despite of these social pressures, I was studied in a Chinese school because its' education quality was better than Uighur schools and my best friends were Chinese. I think that friendship should not evaluate as political views. I liked them personally.

When we came to Turkey, I could not start school on time because I was not a Turkish citizen. As a result of my father's endeavor, I could start with a condition; I should learn Turkish. However I got an achievement that they had never expected. I graduated from primary school with 1st degree and ranked 128th in national exam among 800.000 candidates. In secondary school, I was learning French, also my environment had changed again. I had worked with almost all kind of people in my life.

My life is as complex and difficult as like that. Social pressures, political views could not intimidate me and I tried to prove myself in each place. I think I achieved. My good communication skills and dealing bravely with difficulties are the main factors which made me stronger. I think I can concord with anyone because I do not look people's race or religion. The only problem that could occur between me and my roommate is the soccer or the basketball team we support. I will look over my roommate's hobbies because these reflect passions and treats of him and I will catch minimum discord. I believe that the first person I can trust would definitely be my roommate.

It has only 1800 character limit, that's why I can't talk about more special about our relations.

Should I omit a paragraph to write more about my roommate and myself?

there's no main


verb in this sentence
absolutely no relevance to the rest of your intro. so what if you are applying from turkey?


ok, if that's your thesis (it should be), then your essay is completely off topic. ANSWER THE PROMPT.
plus, political views? this is totally random. so you're saying people make friends in a new country cuz of politics? to belong? not true, at least without support


impressive... but the fact that you used exact numbers make you sound pretentious. THEY HAVE YOUR RESUME


haha emphasis of language... too blatant. and still to this point, I don't see how you answered any part of the question. are you telling me that you want your roomate to know that you are a genius? lol weird way of making friends...


haha THAT'S WHAT THE QUESTION IS ASKING FOR, ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU CAN'T ANSWER THE PROMPT?


this is the first and only part where you attempt to answer the question... that's not good

alright, i'm gonna be blatant with you. if this is an essay you can blow cuz it's not important or cuz you are absolutely sure that you'll get in stanford, then ignore what i'll tell you. otherwise, you really need to redo it.

What would you want your freshman year roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your roommate-and us-know you better.

1. actually answer the prompt. it's a 2 part question: tell your roommate/stanford about you that they'll be interested. not how smart you are. everybody who goes to stanford are smart.

2. tell something about you that will hep your roommate. yes this is in the prompt, but please do it. it's very important that they do not only see how social you say you are, but actually know what kind of person you are and how you will deal with your mates.

anyway, don't konw what to tell you. i'd rewrite it if i were you. i mean it's worth the trouble if it's stanford.

Thank you for your comments ,

Actually, I wrote this essay in 6000 characters, but while I was trying to upload my essay, I saw that it requires max 1800 characters (It was written just "at least 250 word" so I didn't think it has a max limit.)

Therefore I had to cut off many parts of essay and I didn't be sure about it.

Thank you again,

I will rewrite it ;)

6000? you sure? cuz that's like 1200 words. 1800's about 300 words.

yes , it was 6000 characters and about 1100 words, I didn't see max limit, so I wrote what I think, but when I see I can't upload it, I had to cut off many sections, :S

o shi 1100 words!!! how do you people write like that? i can't even write a 2000 words research paper!!!

As Yang said, you need to redo your essay almost completely. It needs to be checked over grammatically as there are many mistakes and some of them are so BIG that it is difficult to understand what you are trying to say. Apart from that, most of your essay is irrelevant. Your going to a Chinese school or a Turkish school makes no difference I'm sure to your room mate, what he or she would like to know is whether you are friendly or shy, whether you like playing sports or listen to music, whether you are clean and tidy or messy, whether you will grab the space or will be willing to share. These are the kind of things you should be talking about in this essay. It is so that the Adcom can actually see you as an individual and whether you would fit in with the student community at Stanford.

The essay should not exceed 300 words. See if you can rewrite it.
All the best!

well, you really don't wanna get in too much technical detail. this is still an admission essay, not rooming questions. you'll get to those AFTER you get accepted.

I think the school wants to see how you can contribute to the overall class THROUGH the mention of your roommate. Thus, you can't simply narrow your essay on your future relationship with your roommate, but also hint at your abilities/qualities on a larger scale

e.g. how has your background allow you to become a very open and tolerant person who will definitely have a great relationship with roommates? this not only shows that you will do great with your roommate, but also that you are a multi-cultural person and will be a great addition to the whole school. again you are not convincing the housing department, but an admin officer.

thanks for your contributions