What tutoring means to me - Common App Short Answer

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

The sixth grade child absorbs every word as I explain to him the difference between an independent and dependent clause. Fifteen minutes later, he flashes his completed worksheet at me and exclaims his epiphany to everyone in sight--until a stern librarian shushes him.

His uncontrollable excitement motivates me to establish a tutoring session every Saturday and Sunday for inner-city students. Initially, tutoring presented me with various challenges such as searching for the clearest method of teaching, expressing myself completely, and learning how to instruct with patience and compassion. However, after several weeks of using each lesson plan with my little brother, I began to comprehend the intricate learning process undergone by each of the students I tutor. My experiences also broadened my understanding of the complex human mind.

Thus, tutoring enables me to appreciate the individuality of every person and develop my perception of the inner needs of others. Educating others also inspires me to continue my career path in a subject area that requires interacting with my environment.

Nice job. Add a sentence to the end... a sentence that wraps up the whole truth of the essay.

Hello,

I think you should clarify the connection you made between "educating" and "interacting with environment".

Just for fun, I'll try taking out lots of adverbs and adjectives. Doing that makes your paper very powerful. I'll also divide up the paragraphs for you to add to, as you become inspired again now:

... he flashes his completed worksheet at me and exclaims his ...

... learning how to instruct with patience and compassion.
... the intricate learning process undergone by each of the students I tutor.

Nice job. Add a sentence to the end... a sentence that wraps up the whole truth of the essay.

Oh, I apologize... I see that it is supposed to be fewer than 150 words. It is about 170 words right now. So, you have to "kill one of your darlings." That is what Stephen King calls it when he has to take out sentences.

Good luck chopping it down to size!

Thanks!
Do you think I should describe the expierence of tutoring more, or is my short response good as it is?

Well, just keep in mind your purpose: to show them that you are a motivated student who will achieve much. You can write more about the experience of tutoring, but do not forget that the purpose is to demonstrate your seriousness and clear mind.

:)

Kevin

This is great. Thanks for letting me help. I found no errors in the rewrite.

:)

Kevin

Commonapp: Writing about art when applying for business

Let's say I'm applying for business, but I also like art as a hobby. For the main commonapp essay, what if I write about my passion for art? Would that seem as though I don't know what I want to do?

no. it depends onw here you are applying. for liberal arts schools that is perfect

Business can be art. What kind of art do you like? Write an essay that expresses an interest in making a business of your art, or making art of your business.