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Two types of people in the world UChicago Essay



alexis brandon 17 / 37  
Jan 2, 2011   #1
The Prompt
Essay Option 2. Dog and Cat. Coffee and Tea. Great Gatsby and Catcher in the Rye. Everyone knows there are two types of people in the world. What are they?

My response

The holidays are rapidly approaching, causing mass hysteria to sweep the nation. Christmas shoppers trample through stores, rummaging for last minute presents, and families prepare for the annual excursion to see grandma and grandpa.

Rushing through the congested terminals, a bag of presents secured perilously under one arm, parents drag their children through the masses. Approaching the seemingly limitless line of the security check point, people find themselves wondering, "How in the world did I believe that arriving two hours early would give me enough time to reach concourse E." After waiting to transcend through the checkpoint, your turn approaches and you pray not to be among the unlucky individuals asked to step aside for further inspection. As luck would have it-you are chosen.

Finally, upon reaching a wasteland of occupied chairs you collapse into the first vacant seat. After settling your raging heart, you peer out the wall length windows and watch as airport employees carelessly toss luggage into the belly of the plane. You find yourself wondering if the bag that missed and went tumbling toward to the Earth was yours. Then, dampening the Christmas cheer, a disembodied voice crackles through the intercom saying, "Ho Ho Ho, Happy Holidays Christmas travelers it is with genuine regret that I must announce that due to temperamental weather conditions all flights are grounded until further notice." A disgruntled groan escapes the lips of every individual before they race to claim a hard backed chair as if the music had just stopped in a game of musical chairs. Two hours later, hunger grips your stomach and you resign to relinquishing your seat to purchase the overpriced fast food the airport offers.

An hour passes and flights are set to take off once again. Entering the compact space of the plane, you walk towards your aisle seat and drift through the air for the next two hours, with your ears continuously popping. The pilot's voice reverberates through the plane, "Folks, we have begun our decent into White Plains and the current temperature is 32 degrees Fahrenheit, so will passengers fasten in their seatbelts, turn off their electronic devices, and lift up their tray tables." Ultimately, you arrive at your destination jet lagged and late.

Comparatively, there are the individuals who choose to drive to their Christmas destination. Calling the every Enterprise, Hertz, Avis, and U-haul in a 20 mile radius and they discover that a vacant car is non-existent. Therefore, a thousand miles must be put on the family vehicle. Departing during rush hour, they are trapped, inching their way toward their destination. A 16 hour drive just became that much longer and every mile gained is as exciting as winning the lottery. All but stagnant, they hope to get stuck behind a minivan in order to entertain themselves with the movie playing in the backseat.

Around the third time hitting traffic, driving no longer seems like the economical choice for large families or people who developed aviophobia after September 11, 2001. Stops are only allowed in large towns and then only for gas, coffee, and bathroom breaks, therefore, rest stops become novelties and a place to stretch your legs before riding between the white lines once again. After 18 hours, six stops, an empty cooler, and a tired driver you have reached your destination.

There are two types of people in the world: people who prefer to travel by car and people who prefer to travel by plane.

Any comments are helpful. Rip it apart if need be. Also I will read your essays.
Do you think I need to include a paragraph about which type of person I am? Also can someone please help me get rid of the word you in this essay. Thanks


ecordo5 4 / 28  
Jan 2, 2011   #2
I think it's a very good essay, very well-written. However, despite your creativity, it tells us nothing about yourself or your type of personality. I think the admissions committee is looking for that connection between you and your piece of writing.
OP alexis brandon 17 / 37  
Jan 2, 2011   #3
Thank you. I will connect it to myself
blind527 7 / 34  
Jan 2, 2011   #4
I think the essay is extremely creative..It is a good story. However, how do you relate to this story? Is there a limit on this essay? As I read this I thought I was reading a novel, rather than an essay for a college application.

I would pay most attention into tying this to yourself by shortening the story and building off of that.

Contrary to what I just said, this essay is "risky." What I mean by that is admissions officers look for someone that likes to take risks in their creativity, and I strongly think that you've done just that.

Overall, I think you need to include more about yourself, and what type of person you are. Are you a plane/car person? Tell more about yourself and what kind of person you are by giving some examples, rather than facts.
tkcubsfan105 1 / 1  
Jan 2, 2011   #5
It's good. Good use of language and imagery. Make sure you are not over using cliche "five dollar" words. It takes away from the effectiveness
saroth 11 / 36  
Jan 3, 2011   #6
Comparatively,

I would change this to On the other hand, it sounds smoother in my opinion

I relish in the passing scenery

?? I don't know if that works or maybe: I am fascinated (or captivated) by the passing scenery

Overall, this is one of the best Essays i've read. It grabs attention well and everything. Besides these minor suggestions I don't have much more. Can you please edit my Cornell essay and/or my Illinois #2 [not global warming] one (especially this one since the word count is like 102 words more than what it should be) Thanks a lot.
markelruso 1 / 2  
Jan 3, 2011   #7
Really good essay. Yours will definitely stand out from the thousands of essays submitted. You did a great job with the language used and creative style.

However, I'd recommend changing the last sentence with something that shows an unusual characteristic of yours. Maybe you could talk about how you enjoy the natural environment appreciable from a car ride, instead of an endless row of clouds from a plane. Make sure it demonstrates a positive trait.


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