UBC Application - surrounded by unfamiliar things

Describe an unfamiliar situation essay

Explain how you responded to a problem and/or an unfamiliar situation. What did you do, what was the outcome, and what did you learn from the experience? (maximum 200 words)

Being surrounded by unfamiliar things was stressful for me before going through a situation where I was left alone during traveling in Japan. My uncle and I were about to get on a subway in Sibuya. I needed to go to bathroom before getting in. My uncle had to stay at a specific spot to wait for me. However, when I got back, he was not there. I was nervous and scared because what I could hear was a language that I didn't understand. I started walking around to find him, but it took me further place from where I was. I was worn out and sat down plump on the ground. At the moment, something was dropped from my pocket. It was a piece of paper that my uncle wrote down address of a house we'd stayed before getting on the subway. I tried to come up with an idea to meet my uncle, then I figured out if I got back to the place where we stayed, I could contact my uncle because the owner was Korean. I started catching strangers, showing them the paper, and speaking one word "police station" for letting them know I got lost. Almost all strangers were not interested in, but there was a person who took me to the police station. They took me to the house. As I got out of the police car, I could see my uncle waiting for me in front of the house. We could finally meet and wrap our trip up well. This experience gave me not only confidence of being independent but also a chance to break out my comfort zone.

This is my first draft, so it is probably over 200 words. Can you guys help me out improve my essay and make it more fit into the short essay?

Thanks..

BG, this is a pretty straightforward response to the prompt that was provided. It delivers on all the required elements and allowed you to express yourself regarding the situation you faced. The problem with this essay is not the story that you are telling but rather the presentation of the story. The grammar needs work and the sentence development is faulty. Unfortunately, I am not allowed to revise the complete essay for you as part of the free advice. What I can recommend to you is that you use either an online grammar checker to help you correct the grammar mistakes and sentence presentations or, you can look up our available services using our Services link so that you can make inquiries regarding professional editing services. Again, there is no need to change the story, it is the presentation that needs to be cleaned up. I can show you an example of how to fix your presentation in the first sentence. That should help you get started in a proper grammar and sentence revision on your end.

When I went to Japan with my uncle, I was surrounded by strange people who spoke a language that was alien to me. You can imagine my stress at being surrounded by unfamiliar places, not knowing the language, and not knowing how to get about town on my own. That is why when I lost physical and visual contact with my uncle, I could not help but panic...