with small steps to some impactful moments
When I was 15 years old, I was a very sophisticated and introverted person. I always wanted to be surrounded by my comforts. In Class 9, my parents bribed me to opt for Computer Science as an Optional Subject to get a new laptop. I assumed computers to be tough to understand and learn, assuming this was a subject only for geeks and toppers. But I was completely wrong. It was probably the first time I moved out of my comfort zone and went for computers. Computers Were Initially Substantially Hard and I Struggled to Acclimate to My New Environment, But As Soon as I Started Learning and Understanding Computers in Groups with My Friends and Peers, I Realised That It Was One of the Best Decisions I Made in My Entire Life, Giving Me Aspirations and Dreams to Become the Best Developer for the Next Google and Microsoft. I Joined a Few Clubs to Overcome My Introvert Behaviour as I Realised That Computers Were a Team Game. One alone can't fully develop successful software, it needs a team. To explore computers outside the class, I founded the first CS club at our school. This journey led me to built up the qualities of leadership, responsibility, and creativity. Through this experience, I have learned that small steps can lead to impactful moments and have strengthened my communication and organisational skills. I plan to initiate activities within UBC using these newfound skills.
Please help me with your suggestions
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,430 4691
Why is a large part of this essay written with the first word capitalized? Does the applicant not know how to write a proper English response essay based on English writing rules? This is really a huge turn-off for the reviewer, who will be irritated by the incorrect word writing in this essay. Please correct that to show that you know how to properly write English sentences.
The topic is a good choice for the applicant since it refers to a discussion with regards to his personality and how he might have to make adjustments as a college student. He shows that he is prepared for such an eventuality. However, I believe he should remove the reference to being a sophisticated person since the actual discussion focus of the essay is zeroed in on how he overcame his introvertness.