UChicago Required Short Essay

Question 1. How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.

I want to be known as a friendly and useful person wherever I end up. I want to develop my mind as much as I can, and I improve best when surrounded by people with similar goals. Through the many emails and postcards, I've gained the impression that there is a community of friendly, witty, and intelligent individuals at UChicago.

Also at UChicago is a plethora of resources, from great professors to filled libraries. By immersing in studies as well as hanging out alongside people like and yet very different from myself in an environment built for the best learning, I can develop my goals while meeting people of many different backgrounds. After going to UChicago, I will have become more of an open-minded, well-rounded being, more ready than ever to take on anything the future throws at me.

Thanks for any comments! =)

Your first paragraph is not necessary. Start your essay with your second paragraph. Your essay sounds kind of generic. Try being more specific on the qualities of UChicago. Be a little more humble with your last sentence or take it out. Also you did not answer the prompt. satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future . Try to answer this aspect of the question. Hope this helps

Help me revise me please.

I kind of went more with the second part of the prompt, where it says to address your own wishes.
But thank you, I'll work on the detail. =)

Its better, but do some research on UChicago, then pick out certain aspects that you enjoy about the school, and finally incorporate it into your essay and add to it how it is going to make you who you want to be. Such as "I hope to one day be regarded as an individual who truly cares for others and being involved in UChicago's vast community service projects available to the students (if it has that) will allow me to develop into the person (paste in what type of person you want to be) I hope to be." What are the goals you want to develop and how will meeting these people contribute to the person you want to be? Maybe say "meeting a diverse group of students will open my mind to the types of people in the world. This exposure will bring forth a tolerance and understanding of people that I might not gain elsewhere." Hope this helps

alongside people alike? .
Also, I think the last sentence is a little long and awkward. The part about comparing the people who are alike and different is maybe what you should make into one sentence and then how you can thrive in another.

Hm okay. Thanks (both of you), I'll work on making the essay more specific, and less awkward. =)