UIUC APP ESSAY - Combining my quantitate and qualitative skills for UIUC

UIUC application essay

Explain your interest in the major you selected and describe how you have recently explored or developed this interest, inside and/or outside the classroom. You may also explain how this major relates to your future career goals. Limit your response to 300-400 words.

The ultimate treasures are ones closest to home, and in my case, two hours and forty-five minutes away. Summer was only a remnant in my mind as I walked through the campus and discovered University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign to be more than a perfect university--it was the definition of one.

Following my campus visit, I developed a keen interest in economic non-fiction books. Freakonomics, written by Stephen J. Dubner and Steven Levitt, had a significant impact on my personal perception of society; learning that incentives play one of the biggest roles in human behavior. The book provided me with data, economic, and psychological insight, heightening my hunger to dive into the mathematical approach to the study of social phenomena. To satisfy my intellectual curiosity, I conducted an experiment based on the incentive theory by asking my English teacher if I could substitute him for one class period. Upon his approval, I prepared a lesson plan and began the next day's class by offering extra credit to students that participated in answering my questions at least five times throughout the class period. The results were as expected: about 75% of the class (out of 32 students) received the extra credit, but only 29% of those elaborated with their answers. Although the extrinsic incentive of handing out extra credit motivated majority of the class to participate, it discouraged them to give a thought out response. These results not only intrigued me but also pushed me to gain a higher desire in researching the variables that affect society. By combining my quantitative and analytical skills as a student at the University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign's Economics Department, I can achieve my goal.

Every aspect of the institution - from the university's athletic affiliation in the respected Big Ten conference, to its urban environment, the diversity of the student body, the immense amount of opportunities to increase my knowledge and experience in my field - readily matches the setting in which I hope to immerse myself in for the next four years. University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign's intellectual rigor, fervent school pride, and unique traditions - such as the rubbing of Lincoln's nose before exams and the infamous Alma Mater statue - promise me the ultimate postsecondary experience.

Is there anything that seems out of place in this essay? Any recommendations/comments are welcome. Thank you all so much!!

Nomika, you have to reformat your response to the prompt. The way you have it written, it appears that you did not have an interest in your chosen major until you decided to pay a campus visit to the university. That should not be the case, the campus visit should not be mentioned at all in this essay because the major that you chose, the development of the interest in that major, and the activities that you undertook in order to prepare for this college major must have been done before the visit to the university. You must be in an ongoing activity that helps you to develop and create a solid foundation for your major upon your entry to the university. The fact that you visited the university and then decided on a major makes it sound like you do not have a solid ambition in life nor a true choice for a major as a college degree. That is why you need to rephrase this essay in a manner that shows the continuing interest in this major with activities that have been in existence for its development long before you visited the campus. Leave the university and the campus visit out of your narration in the revised essay. It should not be mentioned at all.

Since your experiment is interesting, I think you can put that part in your first paragraph. It would capture readers' attention. Then, you can state about your passion toward your major. Moreover, you can write about your future goal more; though your intended major is economics, "researching the variables that affect society" sounds more like sociology, so maybe you can write about it more. I know including everything in 300-400 words essay is hard, but I hope my advice would help you! Good luck!