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UIUC essay - Child Education Work



Akvsp 5 / 2  
Nov 23, 2008   #1
Choose one extracurricular activity, work experience, or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.

"It is a greater work to educate a child, in the true and larger sense of the word, than to rule a state."

Choose one extracurricular activity, work experience, or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.

It is greater work to educate a child, in the true and larger sense of the word, than to rule a state."
My Grandfather had a firm belief in this and also spent his last years teaching poor children of a nearby village. I always looked up to him and wanted to follow his footsteps. Luckily I got this opportunity in my twelfth grade. A street children's school had just started in my locality and needed volunteers. I readily went forward to help them.

Coming from a semi-developed country, I realized that the root cause of poverty is the lack of proper education. In the beginning I thought that it would be difficult for me to get enough time to teach the students, but once I started teaching them, I found immense satisfaction and time. Till now I always thought that it would be me who would have to teach them worldly things, but I was proved wrong.

Everyday has been a different learning experience. Things like one Rupee which had no value for me, has so much value for them. Even a small toffee lights up their face. Some of them don't get to study after daylight due to electricity cuts. So they refrain from wasting time doing other things that are not constructive. Though they are weak and backward in studies, they are very loving, affectionate and ready to learn.

Although they don't pay high fees, they still know how to appreciate the value of education. I have learnt to respect and value time and money from them. They have taught me to be thankful for the various things that both God and my parents have given me, like education, shelter and clothes. I have become less demanding and do take out time everyday to thank God. Earlier I used to take things for granted and thought life was a cakewalk, but now I have realized that whatever I want in life has to be earned for and I should become independent.

I wonder if the children know how much they have taught me; that patience is learned and persistence pays off in the end.

EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Nov 24, 2008   #2
Good afternoon :)

I have edited the first paragraph of your piece and included some general comments:

"My GrandfatherAs this isn't a proper noun it shouldn't be capitalized. had a firm belief in this and also spent his last years teaching poor children of a nearby village. I always looked up to him and wanted to follow his footsteps. Luckily I got this opportunity in the twelfth grade. A street children's school had just started in my community and needed volunteers. I readily went forward to help them.

Coming from a semi-developed country, I realized that the root cause of poverty is the lack of proper education. In the beginning I thought that it would be difficult for me to get enough time to teach the students, but once I started teaching them, I found immense satisfaction and time. Until now I always thought that it would be me who would have to teach them worldly things, but I was proved wrong."

Avoid contractions in formal academic writing; for instance, "don't" should be "do not."

Avoid beginning your sentences with conjunctive/transitory words such as "but," "so," or "and."

Make sure you are properly using commas. For instance, "...given me, like education, shelter and clothes. I have..." should be "...given me, like education, shelter, and clothes. I have..."

In regards to content I believe this piece is an adequate response to the prompt.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


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