UIUC "doing hard things can make people better" - extracurricular activity

"America is going to put a man on the moon by the end of decade not because it was an easy thing to do, but because it was a hard thing to do; and doing hard things is what makes people better." John F. Kennedy said. I strongly agree with John, these words have being my motto for many years. I do believe that doing hard things can make people better. People, who face the opportunities, would improve themselves when they defeat the challenges. As a college student, I think the best way to enhance one's abilities and experiences is internship and part-time job. Being a founder and editor of Finance Program of Campus Radio of Renmin University of China is the hardest internship I have never met. I have participated in in-depth interviews and drafted the interview report and translated report into English. I interviewed the finance teachers and managers who worked at banks or financial organizations to report current financial news and comments. I must collect and survey much data and professional knowledge before I interviewed them. Furthermore, I had to control the expenditure and distribute the work to my partners as a president of Finance Program. Despite the fact that I encountered many serious issues, I have obtained many valuable economic knowledge, work experiences and leadership. Moreover, I did not think the work is tough because I just do the thing what I would like to do. I am very interested in business since I was young. In addition, I am deeply influenced by my family which has engaged in business for generations. That's why I chose economics as my major as soon as I went to college. I hope I can use professional skills and knowledge to resolve business problems in the foreseeable future.

Hi, guys, please help me modify this essay and check the erorrs.
Thanks a lot.

Use a semi-colon, and don't use his first name:
I strongly agree with John him; these words have being my motto for many years.

People, when given the opportunity, would improve themselves by overcoming challenges.

This is looking good, but you should separate it into a few paragraphs. Maybe you should have 4 sentences in each paragraph. If you don't know how to write a good topic sentence, google this:

how to write topic sentences

:-)

I am not an expert but to be honest your essay seems to have mess up with the tense and has consistently used the same sentence structure. Please use varied sentence structure. The mess up with tense that I aforementioned refers to this part:

I interviewed the finance teachers and managers who worked at banks or financial organizations to report current financial news and comments Past . I must collect and survey much data and professional knowledge before I interviewed themPresent .

I must not fail to appreciate that the ideas you have put now are much stronger and clearer than you had them earlier. But still to make it better you need variety of sentence.