Pls help me with the UIUC essays. Still the first draft, so any comment or criticism is especially needed!
And any idea how I can make it sound less like a plain summary of my previous life? I really have a trouble with this! Thanks!!!
ESSAY #1: In an essay of 300 words or less, please describe how your past circumstances and experiences (such as your upbringing, community, and/or activities) impacted who you are, your future goals, and your choice of major. If you haven't decided on a college or major yet, briefly explain your intentions and aspirations for your first year at Illinois.
My enthusiasm about mathematics started at my family's dinner table. Every night after dinner, my dad and are I would sit together, raising battle after battle on the draft paper to see who could solve a mathematic problem faster and better. Sometimes, the battle could last until midnight, until we finally found the most succinct solution. Gradually, answering a mathematic question became my favorite intellectual game. Not satisfied to simply follow the standard method listed in student's handbooks, I, like a commander, enjoy finding my own strategy to win the battle.
Later in my high school, I relished the opportunity to further my interest in Mathematics. I was selected as a top student in the school academic Olympiad team, where we were offered an advanced-level course in University of Science and Technology of China. At the end of class, together with three other teammates, we proposed an investigative research project to analyze the degree of difficulty and differentiation of test papers. For the first time, I was able to see how an abstruse model could be applied to solve a real-world problem. Since then, how to use maths in daily life becomes an area I am particularly passionate about.
My dream is to become an actuary. In UIUC, I desire to learn how to establish mathematical models to predict the market fluctuations, to assess the risk and minimize the cost for businesses and insurance industry. Dream is always inspiring. I know it is still a long and painstaking way to go, but with a constant passion in advancing myself, a determined heart that never easily give up in front of challenges, I see my dream soar high in the realm of mathematics, and it will start with UIUC.
I actually don't see any problems with this! It's engaging without being too cliched, and I could really get a sense of who you are from those paragraphs. If you want to make it sound less like a summary, I would describe one of the math battles you had with your father (description, dialogue, etc.) and then go into your essay.
One thing:
Since then, figuring out ways to use math in daily life becomes an area I am particularly passionate about.
Good luck!
