UMich Prompt--Describe your interests&aspirations in engineering

The instruction is that,
Please answer the following question in approximately 400 words.
Please describe your interests and aspirations in engineering. What experiences have influenced you?

Here is my essay,
I knew the path that I would follow in my future in my first engineering project. We are encouraged to transform the hair-dryer just brought from the market into a musical instrument without additional material in that project. I, together with other four fellow students as a group, got the basic idea of engineering and really enjoyed ourselves with wonderful cooperation during the project despite the bad feelings including disappointment and frustration that most of our group members have gone through during the process. When we finally played a whole song using the "musical instrument" we constructed, with great satisfaction and pleasure, I knew then that engineering was the perfect fit for me.

Ever since, I found myself could not wait to learn more in the area of engineering. Therefore I joined the engineering innovation group of the institute, where I met lots of fellow students that had the same desire as I do. By working with them, both my communication skills in teamwork and ability in mathematics and science were enhanced and heightened, with which I am now convinced to rise to the challenges and meet them with resolve.

I am always intrigued by engineering since engineering problems do not have the standard solution, instead it has various solutions. As an engineer, you have to choose the best among them, taking science, economics, mathematics and safety factors into account. That is exactly why engineers are called "problem solvers" in the human society and are usually treated with respect. Another reason that I am fascinated by engineering is that I have taken about twenty different courses, but among all the courses, the engineering courses are the only courses that apply the theoretical knowledge we obtained in all other courses into practice. It is in the engineering classes or the innovation lab that I fully understand how on earth the theorem of solar cells or magnetic materials can be applied to real life. Engineering not only equip me with analytical skills and methodical thinking techniques, the most valuable point I got in the engineering class is that knowledge and theorem should not be learnt separately from real life, in contrast they should be transformed into applications that can be beneficial to us all.

I believe the UMich engineering department, which can provide me with great education and the opportunities to learn under and alongside the brightest minds, can help realizing my aspirations of being a successful engineer.

Any suggestions and help are extremely valuable and welcomed.
Thank you all in advance.
Merry christmas!

After my first engineering project, I knew the path that I would follow in my future. in my first engineering project. We are encouraged to transform the hair-dryer, just brought from the market, into a musical instrument without using additional material. in that project .

And here is another idea for you:
By working with them, I was able to enhance my communication and team work skills and my ability in mathematics and science; I am now convinced ready to rise to the challenges and meet them with resolve.

:-)

I think this will be better if you mention some specific interests you have within this field of engineering. What projects excite you most? Show the reader that you are already becoming knowledgeable in this field.

o, that's very helpful.
Thank u very much.

Another question is that if I mention some specific interests i have within this field of engineering, as you mentioned, does it has to be related to the major that I applied for, like civil engineering？

Yes, it should be related to the major you applied for to show that you have commitment/interest in your major.

Basically, if you show interest in a field of engineering that is not your major, shouldn't "that" be your major?

Thank you all for the feedback.
Here's my second draft. I took the advice of Kevin and made some changes to my essay.
Is it necessary that I give a title to my essay.
And is it ok that I went over the recommended word count of 400 with 80 more words.
Any comment are greatly appreciated. Thank you all in advance.

Please answer the following question in approximately 400 words.
Please describe your interests and aspirations in engineering. What experiences have influenced you?

After my first engineering project, I knew the path that I would follow. We are encouraged to transform the hair-dryer just brought from the market into a musical instrument without using additional material. When we finally played a whole song using the "musical instrument" we constructed, with great satisfaction and pleasure, I knew then that engineering was the perfect fit for me.

Ever since, I found myself could not wait to learn more in the area of engineering. Therefore I joined the engineering innovation group of the institute, where I met lots of fellow students that had the same desire as I do. We studied a case of building collapse just happened in our city. We built a model of the building with exact the same material used in the real one to simulate the situation. I spent hours in our spare time reading textbooks to further my knowledge in construction, environmental and material engineering and in the laboratories texting and recording data of different samples. We finally gave our opinion of the collapse to the professional case study group in our academic paper. We really enjoyed ourselves with wonderful cooperation during the project despite the bad feelings including disappointment and frustration that most of our group members have gone through during the process. Both my communication skills in teamwork and ability in mathematics and science were enhanced and heightened in that project, with which I am now ready rise to the challenges and meet them with resolve.

I am always intrigued by engineering since engineering problems do not have the standard solution, instead it has various solutions. As an engineer, you have to choose the best among them, taking science, economics, mathematics and safety factors into account. That is exactly why engineers are called "problem solvers" in the human society and are usually treated with respect. Another reason that I am fascinated by engineering is that I have taken about twenty different courses, but among all the courses, the engineering courses are the only courses that apply the theoretical knowledge we obtained in all other courses into practice. It is in the engineering classes or the innovation lab that I fully understand how on earth the theorem of solar cells or magnetic materials can be applied to real life. Engineering not only equip me with analytical skills and methodical thinking techniques, the most valuable point I got in the engineering class is that knowledge and theorem should not be learnt separately from real life, in contrast they should be transformed into applications that can be beneficial to us all.

Simple put, I aspire to be a problem-solver. I believe the UMich engineering department, which can provide me with great education and the opportunities to learn under and alongside the brightest minds, can help realizing my aspirations of being a successful engineer.