UMich Engineering Essay: Interests and aspirations

Please describe your interests and aspirations in engineering. What experiences have influenced you?

My first lesson of engineering was taught by my parents since they are all engineers. I learned that (an?) engineer is someone who has a magical power of turning ideas to reality and engineering is about applying theories to benefit the real world (/is the bridge between theory and practicality?). The strongest power of changing the world by human is engineering. And I hope to be an engineer, so that I could have the ability to make the world a better place.

Seeking for the dream of becoming an engineer, I came to Shanghai Jiao Tong University. During my first year in UM-SJTU Joint Institute (UMJI), I, with a team, participated in the Freshmen Machinery Creativity Competition of SJTU. For the first time, I got to know the feeling (of being) an engineer. Our team's task was to design and make a mobile robot which could deliver balls from one place to a basket. The team having more balls in basket wins the game. We spent nights on reading related materials and designing our robot. We did hundreds of tests to find out the correct combination of the rotational speed of mechanical arm and the velocity of mobile base. Because of the high efficiency and good reliability of our machine, my team survived to the final round and got the 3rd place among 36 competing teams. To engineers, nothing can beyond pleasure of watching machine you design complete the given task successfully.

At that time, I read almost everything about robots. I learned how robots significantly help people in manufacturing, heath caring and discovery activities (maybe there is something wrong with this sentence?). I was captivated by the tremendous possibility and capability of robots. And I told myself: that is what I want to do in the future.

During my studies in UMJI, I took many courses taught by professors from University of Michigan (UMich). Impressed by their advanced teaching methods and rigorous scholarship, I can't wait to know more about UMich and the College of Engineering (CoE). Later, I learned that CoE is ranked among the top engineering schools in US and has the largest engineering research budget in public universities. What makes me more excited is that CoE has a great Mobile Robotics Laboratory and UMich is one of the five universities in University Research Program in Robotics funded by DoE of US. UMich is definitely the place I want to go (/the best place for me). What's more, if I could engage my SJTU-UM Dual Degree Program and study ME in CoE of UMich and ECE in SJTU, I would have a great advantage in robotics by combining computer technique with mechanical engineering. I believe that studying in UMich can equip me with the most advanced knowledge, and only in this way could I become a great engineer and contribute the world.

Hi,

Your introduction is all cliche!!! Change the first sentence as it is a dangling modifier:
My first lesson of engineering was taught by my parents since they are all engineers.
I learned my first lesson of engineering from my parents, who are both engineers.

I learned that (an?) engineer is someone who has a magical power of turning ideas to reality and engineering is about applying theories to benefit the real world (/is the bridge between theory and practicality?).

It sounds like a fairy tale - use the one in the brackets. -->
Engineering is the bridge between theory and practicality . It seems awkard - replace it with realism or something else.

The strongest power of changing the world by human is engineering

And I hope to be an engineer, so that I could have the ability to make the world a better place.
I aspire to become an engineer so I can build the capacity in me to make the world a better environment.

I, with a team - I, along with a team of classmates, ...
Our team's task was to design and make a mobile robot
For the first time, I felt as an engineer.
The team having more with the greater number of balls in basket ? wins the game. --> Its vague, are you talking about the team that scores a higher number of goals? OR, you can simply say in the basket.

We spent nights on reading related materials and designing our robot.

Because of the high efficiency and good reliability of our machine (It sounds like you bought the product! You were the ones who created it!)Because of our efficiency and excellent design -, my team survived (reached?) to the final round and ranked 3rd place among 36 competing teams. To engineers, nothing can beyond pleasure of watching machine you design complete the given task successfully. For engineers, there is nothing that can beat the pleasure we receive from watching a machine that we have designed by with our own hands. - TOO MANY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS.

At that time By then I had read almost everything (all the details) about robots. I learned how robots significantly help people humans in manufacture, heath care and discovery activities - Discovery Activities? You mean Research?. I was captivated by the tremendous possibility possibilities and capability capabalities of a robot. And I told myself: that is what I want to do in the future.

During my studies in UMJI, I took many courses taught by professors from University of Michigan (UMich). - Dangling Modifier. In UMJI, I took several courses. The professors had completed their studies from Uni of Michigan.

Impressed by their advanced teaching methods and rigorous scholarship training, I can't wait to know I was eager to learn more about UMich and the College of Engineering (CoE). Later, I also learned that CoE ranked among the top engineering schools in the US and has the largest engineering research budget in public universities. What makes me more excited fascinates me most is great Mobile Robotics Laboratory of CoE and that UMich is one of the five universities in University Research Program in Robotics funded by DoE of US. UMich is definitely the place I want to go the best place for me. What's more is If I could engage my SJTU-UM Dual Degree Program and study ME in CoE of UMich and ECE in SJTU, I would have an excellent combination (combined degree?) in robotics by combining computer technique with mechanical engineering . I believe that studying in UMich can equip me with the most advanced knowledge, and only in this way could I become a great engineer and contribute (to) the world.

Good Luck

Thank you very much

Thank you sooooo much for your correction and modification. It really help me a lot!