Here is one of my essays for the MIT admissions process. It is within the word limit, so I don't need help there. I would like some feedback. Is it effective or not, etc... Thank you.
"Theoretik" is what my uncle calls me, it means dreamer. He comes from a world rooted in depressing reality, where the dreamers are suppressed by their circumstances. Despite his academic success, the Soviets denied his application to university for his Christianity and he resigned to become a mechanic. Opportunities for the religious in the USSR were minimal, and realizing this, my parents went to the states, where the girls would get married and I would find artisanal work. But our world is not our uncle's or our parent's. Dreams are realized here every day. I am a proud "theoretik".
This website is so cool.
My uncle calls the "Theoretik," meaning dreamer.
Despite his academic success, the Soviets denied him (an opportunity to learn, something like that) because he was Chrisitan. He resigned to becoming a mechanic. Opportunities for the religious were minimal in the USSR, and, realizing this, my parents moved to the states where girls could get married and where I could find artisanal work.
The 3rd to last sentence is a bit out of place. You explained how you moved to the US, so it seems like you regress when you mention your uncle and parents again.